Hindsight Isn’t Always 20/20

Remember those “Choose your own adventure” books? For those that don’t, they were stories that gave you options and let’s the reader create their own ending. You’d start on page one and on say page six, you’d have a choice: if you wanted your character to advance through the icy mountain then skip ahead to page 32, or if you wanted him to get into the time machine then proceed to page 58. And shortly after each choice would be yet another.

So true to real life. I already wrote a bit on my dislike of my experience in living in Fort Saskatchewan over the past four years, so this could be considered a follow-up of sorts. How much of my discontent of that city was really outside of my control? Some. I mean, I moved there for whom I considered the love of my life and shortly after, she completely rejected me. I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just deceived into thinking we could be together. Then the duration of my stay, better described as a domino effect of bad choice after bad choice, was all my doing. I chose my own nightmarish adventure, in hopes of filling that void and getting on with my life.

But what if things had played out the way I had hoped? I would never have wasted all that time enduring the lameness of online dating. I would not have met the girl that has caused me years of annoyance and cost me thousands in legal fees. I would not have fallen “in love”, gotten engaged and then have that blow up in my face. I sure wouldn’t have dranken like I did. I wouldn’t have lost myself ultimately like I feel I basically did.

What if’s, right? I didn’t have to pursue that one girl to the point of problems. I didn’t have to drink a lot. I had a choice, as we all do. You just get set in motion and the negatives pile up, and life isn’t anywhere near how you want it, sometimes. But somewhere in there, through the stink and the pain, new life can sprout. Ideas come to life. Inspiration overtakes.

Now that I’m away from there and regrouping while living under the same roof as my mother, things yet again feel upside down. I feel like I’m Will Ferrell or John C. Reilly in Stepbrothers, only…I guess this is at least temporary and I chose to live here, as I “get my head back on”.  The situation feels ridiculous, but it can and will be what I make it. I plan on emerging a better man, father and writer, as I choose my own adventure.

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