Destination Known

About fourteen hundred and some odd moon’s ago, I made the move to come back to my home town of Fort Saskatchewan. I felt led back, and most of the reasoning was because I was deeply in love with a girl, let the truth be known. It will be four years to the day that I have lived here…and I cannot wait to leave this place, as it’s been nothing short of a nightmare.

Can a person leave all behind and begin a “new life”, fresh and removed from how he used to live? Are we destined to repeat the same choices again and again, and experience failure after failure forever? Can we really escape our past and evolve into a better person with clarity and direction?

On a hot summers day, I had moved in. Coming back to my childhood roots, being close to the girl I adored and enrolling my kids in the same school I attended as a child were all comforting ideas. I can say the school has been basically the one good thing this entire time. My girls have come a long way, and my son has grown into an amazing and talented young man. (Side note: he has become quite a presence in the YouTube community with his gaming commentaries. Youtube.com/user/JerDude0711). I will forever be grateful to all the staff at Fort Christian School.

My love life in these four years has been a disaster. The girl I moved here for wanted nothing to do with me when I arrived, after three years of intimate closeness. Greatest heartache ever. I eventually tried to move on, and discovered online dating, which as I have previously stated, is the enemy. Little did I know that way back then. My first “successful” four month relationship eventually ended with her charging me with criminal harassment via text messaging which is an entire blog posting in itself. Regardless, she’s made my life extremely complicated let’s just say, ongoing.

Then, there was the girl I “fell in love with” after a month and proposed to, only to soon discover that she had monumental trust issues and things fizzled within months. There was an eighteen year old that I was on-off with for a year or two. I genuinely cared for her but…she was eighteen. And ridiculous.

About a year and a half ago, I really went off the proverbial deep end with the whole online dating experience. I did meet a few great girls that ended up meaning a lot to me but they all fizzled and left more of a hole in me than before. On again’s, off again’s. Like running full speed into a brick wall, and repeat for fun!

Do I force it too much? If I don’t try, and put myself out there, how will it ever happen? Is it true that good things come to those that wait? Blah blah, blah blah?

Don’t get me started about my work experience in these four years. Family day home, Airport, Furniture delivery driver and Landscaper. Yes…very blah. Oh, and how could I ever forget the joy of being unemployed for two plus months and accruing a huge amount of debt. Add another check mark to the “I hate my Fort Saskatchewan experience”.

I guess in the end, it’s not this cities fault. It doesn’t “have it in for me”. Maybe I have made wrong choice after wrong choice, starting before even arriving on the scene. It’s time to regroup. It’s high time I “man up”. I often used to pull out the crutch of “I’m working on me”, to be a better man. That needs to start, or maybe it has been this whole time.

Ultimately, I only have one life. I’m sick of choosing to live in the past. I’m so tired of making incorrect decisions. It really never is too late. Game changers happen all the time. Cliché as all heck but…this is my time. After all, my dream to write wasn’t birthed here, but my focus on it has taken me light years, so I can look back fondly at least on that.

But other than that, good riddance, Fort Saskatchewan. Kiss my buns.

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