I Am Winter

Would you choose those words if you didn’t know me? You don’t know me well at all, and they’re killers. Potent. Lethal. Please choose wiser.

I am the voice that has no name, yet carries much weight. The water you let in drags me to the bottom, flailing and drowning. Or do I let it happen? My own negative descent?

I break before I bend. I snap before I reason. I am winter. You’ll find no warmth here.

An abomination is my flesh, whose controlling whom? My spirit controls my brain, and my brain controls my body. Discipline is out of order and the body fights to win. The flesh that is weak is so very strong.

Each day I die a little more, and you do the same. We are one, you and I, no matter the distance. I am you.

I need to grow but can’t. I need to improve but fail. I’ve tasted success and achievement, but now it stays at a distance, and it taunts.

I am amongst the darkness, though inside the light shines bright. It blinds. It leads. Lead me, Light. I yearn for my strength to return. It’s your voice I strain to hear. Building me and disciplining me like the child I am. Parent me and walk with me. Reintroduce my capabilities, give me vision to see.

I wish to no longer betray myself and those that follow me. The example I lead is a purposeful one and it needn’t be tarnished further.

The fight will always be. There is no escaping.

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