What I am about to unveil is genuinely larger than life. On many levels, it could be described only as pretty much thee most monumental announcement this fair country has ever been privy to.
When faced with such news, your proverbial seat belts should be on, and your tables best be in the upright position. People say to ‘brace yourself’, and frankly, I don’t fully even get that eufemism, though I guess it has something to do with holding onto something and tensing up all bodily muscles to embrace impact. Did I nail it?
Back to the news. I honestly can’t stress this enough.. this WILL change things. This WILL blow your mind. This WILL trigger the apocalypse.
Okay. Took it a tad far there. I embellished a lil’. I guess I’m going for minimal comic relief because it allows me to not be so worked up about the fact at hand.
And the fact at hand will truly shock upon delivery, believe you me. It’s a reality unbeknownst to all, and it’s time to change the game. Are you ready? And can you handle the ground zero that you’ll be standing amidst?
I can’t hold it in any longer. Please understand this wasn’t easy for me, leading up to the end of the world in a few short sentences. Dramatic, but not far from the truth. And what IS the truth? The truth is this..
There is nothing to announce. There never was. And there never will be. But wasn’t it a heck of a joyride, getting to this anti-climax?? Have a goodnight, everyone.