The Luxuries of Tomorrow at the Cost of Today

A man in control of his own destiny is a powerful concept. Where I lead myself has its own set of consequences, whether positive or negative. No one chooses for me.

I recently quit a day job, one that I’d held for nearly a year. It paid the bills but wreaked havoc on my body so I ultimately chose to walk. There is much freedom in semi-abruptly severing from your place of employment, and on the flip side there’s a sting like no other in knowing that you may or may not have just prevented yourself from eating ever again.

Luckily for this guy, I’m no longer on my own with my kids. My lovely wife is juggling what seems like 2 or 3 jobs so I can afford to lounge around in a robe all day watching soap operas and catching three hour naps. I knew I was destined to live like a king but I did not expect it to come this early.

Okay, that would be just plain retarded and I don’t even wish it were true. I don’t know how to be lazy. Out of less than a handful of things I feel I’ve done right in this life, the discipline of the hard working/keeping busy mentality is hard wired in me.

Days without a day job function on a schedule just like they did a week ago when I was gainfully employed, just redirected, obviously. All the same principles in place, and now even more accentuated amidst actual time to accomplish the important stuff. The focus shifts to ideals that hold weight. The writing increases. Trips to the gym lengthened and more frequent. Quality AND quantity of time with those I love the most in the world are afforded. The benefits are priceless. Or are they, without that steady paycheque?

I’m enjoying the luxuries of tomorrow at the cost of today. It’s premature and doesn’t feel right. The guilt of not working overshadows the joys of finding time for all that matters most.

So, I do what I do and look for my entry back into the rat race. My role as a man and husband hinges on the ability to provide. The freedom is short lived and so it should be. Creativity and energy are choked into submission and have to once again fight for their place in a day in the life.

Am I really in control of my own destiny? Do I steer myself and allow come what may? Does everything just work itself out as a random fact and no higher power is truly at work, guiding and aiding or chastising my choices as I embrace what is in fact my destiny? I know better. Do you?

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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