As a young man, I yearned for that first smooch. It was elusive; something I would one day attain. Seen in movies and viewed in public. Built up like nothing I’d ever known. When it came, it was way better than I could have imagined; it was perfect. And ever since that first kiss has always held magic, each time, through my life.

Lately, I’ve found myself down the wrong path in life. The kind of stretch of earth that, as you take each step forward, you know it’ll only get darker and the road itself is leading you, not you leading yourself. I was on a set course and hated it, but ventured onward, with barely a match burning in my fingertips to light the way.

The path twisted and turned. It showed me things I can’t even repeat, let alone want to remember. It haunted me, even as I slept. Each step was another lie, and each lie held a trap from which I had to fight to be released from.

Heaviness weighed me down. The road itself became a trap and hope was left at the entrance. I led myself there and didn’t know how to escape.

Luckily, I have helpers watching and I stepped free tonight of this wayward path. With help, came discovery and the curtain of lies and deceit was pulled back, and exposed became the vileness and sin that my chosen path had enslaved me with.

A lighter load on my shoulders now, in a sense, but a very long road ahead of digging a way out and up, and mending broken trust and cleansing of all the evil that resided. The path will be long and narrow, but I will walk it not only not alone but with a joyful heart, amazed at the grace that is given.

Every so often I make these monumental horrible choices and they never just affect only me. I yearn to be better, wiser yet I often know not the tools.

So, in life, though nothing is truly new on the face of this planet, newness can in fact be all around us. Variables. And just like the first kiss, which can never be duplicated yet always can be new, so are our choices in life. I’ve screwed up a thousand times and at first, they’ve all tasted sweet and had me begging for more.

I cannot preach and I flat out refuse too. But one thing remains. True wisdom I have not yet attained. True wisdom dictates me observing the path prior before stepping foot down it. True wisdom has me saying no, in sensing the stupidity and danger as opposed to putting common sense aside and saying “let’s see where this takes me” , regardless of the obvious outcome.

I need growth. I need help. I’m not alone and find comfort in that. I’ve been stripped away, I have no where left to hide. And it’s the best possible thing for me.

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