People are strange. And when I say people, I mean me.

Self-sabotage. Self-disrespect. Self-destruction. Self-indulgence. (Lack of) Self-control. They all start with the same thing: me.

Wait! No, you aren’t about to throw away the next 6 minutes of your life reading about how much I detest myself. This isn’t that. This is… something other than that.

Haven’t you been there, though? Doing the opposite of what you want to be or should be doing? Is it human nature aka the Devils way? Wanting someone to slap your hand so hard as you reach for that cookie that your hand breaks at the wrist?

We don’t need babysitters. At least we shouldn’t. There’s that lack of self-control. Remember in The Flintstones when the evil guy sat on one shoulder and the good guy was on the other, and they’d give advice on which way to go? No big spoiler that that is, in fact, how the real world is. Voices instructing us all day long. Moral compass slightly out of whack? Well, then you’re going to be more inclined to listen to the little fellow in the red jumpsuit.

Guess that’s where I’m at sometimes in my life. I never had a father and even though I had male friendship throughout grade school, I don’t have them now when I need them the most. A friend is more than a friend. It’s someone who I can be accountable to. It’s a person who can know me deeply and will pray for me and cheer for me. I need to push myself to reach out more.

Back to square one. It’s like.. I know what I need and I know what I need to be doing yet often I’ll go in the opposite direction and then a mess is made and I’m punching myself in the head, because I’m an idiot and I am incapable of making the right decision all the time.

Self-deprecating? Okay, sorry, a little bit but only to hope that you identify with these issues yourself or know of someone who is similar.

There’s hope yet, this I know as fact. But the pressure is on because no one can change me except for me and there’s never been a better time to step it up and if not others, at least I can amaze myself. And in fixing myself, those that are around me will be happier, those I am blessed to know.

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