What Would You Do?

What would you do if your face exploded? Hoping your eyes were intact, you’d probably look/feel around for your face chunks then find a ziploc bag, add some ice and then dump in the remains of your kisser. Trust me… I’d do the same.

What would you do if you suddenly slipped into a coma while driving and then ended up dying in a massive wreck? No one would ever know about the coma. It’s true.

What would you do if you woke up from a crazy scary dream and you screamed irrationally? Probably go back to sleep. Most of us would.

What would you do if you were enjoying a lovely, sunny day at the beach and then from out of nowhere, someone pointed at you and yelled through his megaphone, “This guy’s a pedophile! Remove your youngsters at once!”? I’d be inclined to throat punch him and grab his megaphone. I’d purse my lips and respond with, “He’s lying, folks. Kids love me. Can I buy yours some ice cream?”

What would you do if you were sitting on the toilet and got sucked buns first through a dark, wet portal to another dimension? Something I think about often, yet have never been faced with this reality.

What would you do if you heard a knock at the door and when you flung it open, you instantly realize that it’s a huge, scary monster? Our first human thought might be, “Oh snap, I bet he wants to eat me so I better shut the door”. But when I put more thought into it, I might ask him to calm down with the roars and put down the extended claws and invite him in for a coffee. I’d do my best to get to the heart of things like why he’s always so monstrous, hoping to somehow convert him out of the monsterhood.

What would you do if you were wrongfully arrested for murder and on the way to the slammer, the squad car swerves to miss a baby squirrel and ends up rolling 5 times along the open highway and both cops die, you live and now you’re facing real first degree murder charges times two? I’d make a shiv and pray that my two life sentences go by super quick.

What would you do if you didn’t have these blogs to read? You’d be a shell of a human. You’re much better for partaking in the word soup that boils over within me.

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