Hearts Erased

Disgust is a feeling of revulsion or profound disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive.

Suffice to say, we all feel a sense of disgust here and there in our daily lives. It can get you down. It can swallow you up. Whether real or in your head, it can lead to shame, especially upon sharing it with others.

Lately, I’ve been disgusted with my Facebook “friends”. Sure, I have a slight narcissistic side that drops by to say hello but that isn’t an influence in my current state of annoyance. I have to remind myself that social media isn’t the end all, be all in this world and because of this, I’m one of those people that posts rarely and when I do, I feel it’s of importance. The fact that, out of 300 “friends” reading my feed, I’ll be lucky to get 1, maybe 2 likes. It annoys me to no end, especially when I need this platform to present my passion of writing, whether my blogs, updates on my first novel or whatever else I choose to divulge.

I know, or have known, ninety nine percent of these people choosing to never congratulate or even like an offering of mine at some point over the past 40 years. I’m on Facebook probably a half to forty five spread out over a day and I often like all kinds of postings, as either a sign of friendship or of a genuine enjoyment of what they put up. Then I turn around and share something and not a single sign of interest, which leads me to delete my post, stew in anger and choose not to want to post anything anytime soon.

Dumb right? I know it is. But I like confirmation that my existence and my thoughts matter, just like you do. I would like to see that someone I worked with 7 years ago gives a rats ass or someone from my home church is appreciative, even to the length of sharing something I wrote or said (heaven forbid!!).

I know the reason deep down or so I tell myself and it’s that it isn’t them… it’s me. Maybe I’ve been around them at some point in life or we crossed paths several times or I know you through so-and-so but I’ve not invested in real relationships with these people and they’re attention is just too much to ask. It’s all I got and I feel it to be true.

So, moving forward in the new faces I meet, I choose to invest. I choose to like. I need connection like anybody else and if it garners a new like on a new posting, well then hey.. I can die a happy man.