Apnea of the Sleepy Kind

This is the most bizarre thing. Most times I’ll have a blog topic in mind but instances like tonight I stared at the blank screen attempting to formulate an idea or even a solitary single thought and then what… I  passed right the flip out. Tried again… same result. You know you’re tired when right . Also, the sleep apnea doesn’t help matters neither.

(Next day)

I’ve fallen asleep ish standing up at work. I’ve fallen asleep driving many a- time. I fall asleep in church, and no, I don’t actually want to. I fall asleep in chairs. I fall asleep at fairs. I fall asleep when reading. I fall asleep when breeding. Ok, maybe not but you hopefully are beginning to grasp my sleepiness.

I was diagnosed with sleep apnea give or take a couple years ago. They went as far as to call what I have ‘extreme sleep apnea’. Due to part time alcoholism, I can’t recall the exactly but I stopped breathing seventy one times in 4 hours or something. When I lay down, my throat muscles relax to the point where breathing is a big problem. I choke myself awake so often that I am never getting a restful slumber. Hence, I am always dragged out and exhausted most days, though the booze increases this significantly.

The fix is a CPAP machine. A breathing apparatus that allows me to disperse oxygen like a regular person throughout my body and most importantly to my brain while I sleep. Without this machine, I am stuck where I am at. It’s scary to think that my limbs are getting next to no O2 when I’m asleep.

So why don’t I own one of these miracle machines? I have tried it. I was given (as is everyone who qualifies) a free month or so trial with one. And I hated it. Love the idea, hated the process.

First off, I tried the face mask because in her office, it seemed the most comfortable. It wasn’t. When strapped on, all I could do was focus on breathing properly that I couldn’t sleep a wink. I’d breath too shallow or I’d breath too fast, then I’d panic and rip it off.

It was also very intrusive for a fairly new newly wed, if you get my drift. What if someone wanted a little hanky panky? “Um, excuse me while I dismantle and remove this Darth Vader helmet. I’ll be right with you.” Or bathroom breaks.. you do the math. An annoyance!

Next I tried the nose tube apparatus and though freer on my kisser, it was even worse for me as I am typically a mouth breather. Bed time approacheth and here’s me trying to keep my mouth closed and breath deeply through my nose. Didn’t take and I ripped it off.

There was one more extension I tried in a last minute ditch effort to use the bloody machine but to no avail. I couldn’t do it and subsequently returned the $2500 CPAP machine.

Back to square one. Not getting anywhere near ‘normal’ sleep, tho, as my wife will attest, I fall asleep at the drop of a pair of dirty undies into the laundry hamper, or a dime, if you will. Except the sleep I so quickly wade into is never deep, never restful, never enough oxygen circulating.

I should be more concerned than I am. A shortened life? Oh and I’ve recently discovered that my blood pressure is elevated due to sleep apnea and may needs meds for. It’s really not a great scenario but here I live to write about it.

Goodnight. (10:48am)

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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