Lazarus.

Tomorrow when I wake, it’ll mark double digits on the sobriety train. Ten days, to the layperson. Now I realize I have procrastinated a bit with past blog postings about freedom from the liquor etcetera. Those were short lived, hope fueled rest stops on the way to the grand bus itself that is sobriety. They didn’t stick.

So how do I know this will? You know when you know. I mean, I guess I don’t know anything for sure as I was taught in thinking the wife I chose would go the distance, not tap out after a little while then live life as an adultress, but I digress.

About two weeks ago, the taste of the liquor, which, let’s face it, isn’t exactly the reason anybody drinks it anyway, but all of a sudden it became vehemently disgusting to these taste buds. So much so that even just considering it the next night my tummy turned and said to me, “You so much as pour a stiff one I WILL vomit on you. Have a good evening.”

Then it just became clear that this was it and I was finally done. Another factor and probably the strongest one being something my pastor friend said to me in regards to defeating anything substantial in this life. He relayed a story he had previously shared with someone struggling with a different life sucking habit. The gist was I am a little kindergartner and the habit, being fed for years and years, is an obese bully in grade 6. He wins hands down, every time.. unless I know how to combat him and ultimately win, every time.

Getting 8 hours sleep is becoming normal. Waking without a headache, dry heaves and puffy eyes is a thing of the past. Having more time for creativity is so awesome, wish I’d gotten here years ago.

I tried but never hard enough. I don’t want to look back but if I did I’d make so much more out of the time I was given. I was in the best shape of my life 4 years ago. Now I tip the scales and the road ahead is a lengthy one to get back that which I have lost.

I took my health for granted for way too long. Who am I to trash myself internally like I did? Let’s hope there’s no permanent damage minus liver and kidney beatings. Oh, and the billions of brain cells that are fried. And the tens of thousands of dollars fed to the beast I used to serve.

Some harsh realities now that I examine my recent stupidity. Dark truths to a poisonous and lonely habit. Alas, I am free and free indeed. The chains are off. I am a new creation.

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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