The Power I Don’t Have.

You know how life goes. Things are puttering along, or moreso whizzing by, and you’re just livin’ your life. You’re focused on your current task and your thoughts begin to wander. Thoughts of what I will eat later or what I will end up doing tonight. Visions of a child’s birthday coming up or that you forgot to take out the garbage and the whole house probably reeks.

And what about those thoughts regarding why isn’t she texting me back or man, the dust has really settled and I miss her.. should I reach out and tell her that? Obviously, I’m jumping from life’s general up keep to past and present relationship ponderances and the latter is what I really wanted to focus on for a few minutes.

I have the power to do anything that I want to do or set my mind to accomplish. Anything. There is no limit. Albeit anything nonsensical like I wanna be a tiger is out the window but you get what I’m putting out there. A garbageman. A part-time rocket scientist/astronaut. And anything in between. If I apply myself, get the education, work hard at it and with a few open doors the dream is attained.

I equally have the power to screw up my life as well as those around me. One example which I don’t go around willy nilly talking openly about is the time I was faced with legal charges pertaining to the apparent harassment of an ex-girlfriend. Long story short.. I had ended things, we continued to communicate. One day she stopped texting me and I continued. Next thing I know this is happening.

My emotions are a fragile thing, as are yours and the guy’s sitting beside you. Pets even seem to have some degree of them; that neediness alone, I tell you what. Confusion is huge for me (is that an official emotion?!). In that scenario I was genuinely confused why she wasn’t talking to me as things were normal up to a certain point where I did not receive the memo.

Fast forward to last September. My wife has been moved out for two months and is confused herself about what she wants. As far as I know, it was between me and two other guys but it could have been fifteen for all I know. This is the wife who moved out in order to, in her words, heal and work on herself then we as a couple work on our marriage and be together as per that little promise made on our wedding day. Next thing I know, she’s moved in with a married man and our marriage is apparently poofed away in a cloud of dust. That’s how it felt, in one quick second. Talk about confusion, am I wrong? But I digress.

I could reach out to her. True, why on earth would I but I’m just saying. Certain things I do have the power over but that power leaves me when I activate it. To make it even clearer, if I was to decide to cut the lawn, do the trimming and water it, that’s my choice. And if I follow through with it, the outcome is still mine. But if I reach out to the wrong person (or any other stupid concept there is out there and there are a lot), the power shifts to them in response or in where it goes next.

I’m not thinking these thoughts today to say I’m terrified of another criminal charge. I’m just speaking out loud to remind myself I guess that there are consequences to everything and wisdom needs to be employed at some point. Otherwise, we’re all screwed.


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