Tomorrow, I Lose Myself.

It’s no secret I just recently went through a marriage failure, resulting in many months of a dark, sad, almost depression. Here we are today and I’m over all of it so woopity doopity but the reason I bring it up is to say that during that period of gloom in my life, the concept for an amazing story came to me.

You never really know when something monumental is coming your way, in any state of life. Writing, too has it’s memorable moments of bam.. there’s a concept I have to put words to and get it out into the world where it belongs. I have written several television scripts but this will be new to me as it will be my first crack at a penning a cinematic screenplay. This is partially why this idea has slowly grown and taken shape with much thought and planning but also the education itself in proper formula and format.

In a sense, I can keep educating myself until the proverbial moo-machines come home but now is the time to begin, and that time is tomorrow. I am ready to tell the story. And the story is dark. It is very sad and very grim. And quite possibly, in order to tell it properly, I may need to lose myself to it, like some Christian Bale Esque method acting. The depths of emotion I want to convey on paper will need to be channeled and no doubt felt by me as it comes out.

And I embrace that because I feel so freaking passionate about this tale waiting to be told. In order to create something using only words that is able to visually jump off the page and pull the reader into my world willingly and wantingly, whatever the genre, is a massive undertaking. Did I mention it’s a sad heartbreaker of a story?

Misery truly loves company. I was reminded of this last fall in my ongoing nightmare of darkness. I began embracing things that made me cry, whether a sad memory or watching a depressing movie. Releasing the tears unlocked me, albeit temporarily, from my state of downtroddeness and although it took even more sadness to give that to me, the cycle proved itself an ally. And through that realization, the story I begin to write tomorrow was birthed.

Depending how demanding this project is on me, I may disappear from the realm of the blog. In fact, I may disappear from everything. At some point, my children will break down the door to my office and find me frothing at the mouth, clutching my computer in a fetal position while whisper some gibberish about “there is no light without the shadow”. I will be emaciated from lack of food and drink, and a trip to the hospital followed by a trip to the funny farm might also be on the agenda. Wish me luck.

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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