I feel like I have a lot to say here and I guess first off, I want to apologize to some degree for my melancholy writing as of the past handful of postings. Losing someone important, coupled with drinking equals…that. I say I apologize to a degree because I don’t want to depress any readers but equally it was happening and was what I was feeling when I penned them. At best, my writing is completely honest. And with that being said, I have an idea. Let’s call this idea healing through writing.
Months ago, I blogged about my ability to finally walk away from the clutches of alcoholism and it was no lie. In a months time, I had only touched the stuff four times and that’s huge for me, so I considered it freedom. But after slipping back into the regularity of a horrible habit conceived during my equally horrible marriage, I’ve remained silent about it because me included, who wants to hear about a guy consistently failing? I’m done with negative writing. It has nothing to offer anyone. So as I go on this trek, I want as many people to come along with me. Besides a recent girlfriend who helped immeasurably in me adjusting my mind set, I’m been suffering through this on my lonesome and will be recovering on my own, as well.
I’ve heard it takes three weeks to break a habit hence the 21 days. Every day, at various times of the day, I will chronicle thoughts, emotions and what I’m doing to make this a success. It might be sad, might be fun but ultimately it’s just a man fighting his way to permanent sobriety, one blog at a time.
Well over two years ago, the self-indulgent habit went from three or four times a week to seven days a week and minus a day or two off a month, this has been my life for seven hundred some odd days, probably more. It has become such an evening staple that I have seen my bottom in turning down work because the drinking is bigger than I can control.
I need out. This should have happened a while ago, just as it should have never gotten to this point. But alas, it’s happening and this is where I am. I have my higher power, my will power and the desire to walk away. Any kind words, prayers or thoughts are more than welcome as I do this. I got myself into it and I shall get myself out. Tomorrow, it’s on.