Healing Through Writing: Day 1.

This is my first day of sobriety and I will be documenting the next 21 days. I feel like more people knowing (than just me) holds a man more accountable plus I hope to have this as a guide to success for not just me, but for any others that want out of a bad habit or nasty addiction.

I’m quite tired today. A nap is around the corner and chances are early bed time later followed by sleeping in late on Saturday.

3pm

Feeling very strong. Driven. I don’t want that life anymore. The stink of it. The taste. Spending a few hours at the lake with my girls. Thirty two degrees and the water is cold and perfect.

6pm

Dropped my girls off at Hotel Transylvania and I’m at Burger King, probably the second time I’ve ever eaten here. The evening is creeping up on me and the strength I originally felt is depleting, though there. Planning on heading down to Fish Creek Park to walk and pray, to clear my head and ask for help from God. I need get through this.

8pm

This is the part of the day that a massive thirst hits me and not for liquor. Whether summer, winter or whenever.. regardless of how much water or other fluids I’ve consumed earlier in the day, my body is screaming for more. And lots. And always around the 8 o’clock mark. I equate it to be that my body is reminding my brain that very soon the master of the house will be dousing himself with alcohol, which is extremely dehydrating.

Also, at this point, I am leaning towards allowing myself one false start, more night leeway. Why? I don’t have a solid answer for that. I am sick of failure but sadly used to it.

845pm

Purchased a Mickey. Greater feeling of shame and “why did I do that” abound as opposed to “yay, I get to drink again”.

So close. On the verge. On that cusp. I will get there tomorrow. Ugh.


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