Healing Through Writing: Day 1-Take 2.

1030am

After last nights fail, I am as rested as I typically am and at the second last pancake breakfast of the Stampede with my girls. This one promises to be the mother of all pcake breakfasts with flapjacks, ham, hashbrowns and baked beans. The sun is shining and it’s going to be a beautiful day.

I can’t wait to be free of this. I have forty pounds to lose and it goes nowhere when I’m consuming alcohol. Missing feeling attractive and feeling confident. I get the irony.. why is this guy talking about pancake breakfasts and weight loss? Trust me, without the constant extra 1500 calories at night time, I can eat pancakes and lose weight. It’s how I do.

130pm

Just had a late lunch and now for the afternoon nap. It’s amazing how all day, drinking isn’t even a thought. Not a blip, for the most part. No desire for it or craving, and if I put thought into it at this hour in regards to consuming it tonight, I’m like no thanks, I’m good. Strong!

5pm

Cardio, followed by a brief swim and I’m ready for a second and lengthier nap but that’s not in the cards. Gonna grab supper for the kids and then I’m heading to the new Cineplex in Seton to see one Dwayne Johnson save the world again in Skyscraper. Part of me thinks it’ll be fun, part of me wants dill flavoured theatre popcorn and part of me wants to use this time as a diversionary tactic in not drinking and getting to day 2. I won’t be home until after ten and early bed sounds delightful as I would like to make it to church tomorrow am.

930pm

Spoiler alert: the movie was pretty lame, though typical Rock fare. I’m at the neighbouring Stuporstore picking up some bacon for the morning and am feeling a strong pull to drink, then give it my all “tomorrow”. Always tomorrow, never right now. And this means no church, which means let down daughters and ultimately a pretty miserable me. What a disease. So easy to start, and so difficult to walk away from. I can’t just give in. Give it the drive home. Early bed does sound awfully enjoyable.

10pm

Failure.

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