The next morning, Tuesday, I’m meaning, the family stood and sat in the kitchen, eating breakfast and talking loudly. Elliot was very open with his confession. “Why do I have xray vision..?”

His dad cut him off, with a big grin. “Aw, son, that’s fantastic news! As I young boy, it was my one wish to have the ability to see through things.”

“Well, it would be cool and all if I was able to see more than naked fatties!” Elliot stared at the floor.

Beverly wasn’t having it. “Elliot Owen Doornail, you watch your language. Just because some of us have big bones doesn’t make it right to use the F word. Come on.”

“Mom, these are giant women. I mean like too big.” Elliot was using his arms as a measuring tool. “Does anyone else have this… problem? I’m cursed is what I am.”

Bev Jr chided. “Nope and this is stupid. Bye.”

The next day

Besides hot flashes, Beverly was feeling weirder than her norm. Almost clairvoyant, though she didn’t actually know the words meaning. But she felt it. For example, she was sitting in her chair, staring out into what some might refer to as oblivion, when she became overcome with a vision of her husband glued to the toilet, vomiting his very soul. Immediately, her vision shifted to the fridge and inside she just knew it was the milk. To her utter chagrin, upon opening the fridge and peering at the milks expiration date, it was 6 days ago. Like in some sort of slow motion marathon, she grabbed the jug and dumped out the contents into the sink.

Her legs like spaghetti, she plopped down into her chair. She quickly crossed herself, top to bottom then left to right, then kissed her fingers, as she saw done on TV hundreds of times.

Within minutes, another spooky premonition hit her and hit her hard.

Meanwhile, across town

Ralph is growing arms where arms should not be, and with claws, to boot. This materialized quickly and embarrassingly as he was riding the subway home from work. As more and more people squished into the rail car, Ralph did the gentlemanly thing and gave up his seat for an elderly blind man whom didn’t seem quite so without sight when took off his shades and began texting. The train took off and with both hands, Ralph held on. In that moment, a third appendage looking like an arm shot out near his crotch region and the hand on the end of it grabbed the miraculously healed blind mans phone.

Both men unsure of what exactly was taking place made panicked eye contact as the phone was returned to the man who immediately offered the seat back to Ralph. The bonus arm retracted back inside Ralph’s body as he plopped down, promising to not make eye contact with blindy again.

But out of all these fantastically queer anomalies, Bev Jr had it the worst/best…

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: