The terror is troublingly real.
I am never one to get wrapped up in the blanket of worry or fear. I fail in many other areas in life but remaining constant in my faith that everything will work out and this too shall pass is a definite strength of mine.
I’m not going to recap the second half of last years health flops (If you want reference, there are several posts on the haunting subject) but to say that I went into 2019 with a clean bill of health and a very determined for success head on my shoulders can’t be overstated. But yesterday, when I went to see the surgeon for a follow up, it is apparent that the mesh inserted inside me may have caused an infection and if these antibiotics don’t do the trick by Monday, I will be enduring a second surgery, this time more invasive as to remove the problematic mesh. Heaven help me.
As if the full month of December off wasn’t enough. Sure, who doesn’t like a bit of home rest but if you’re compounding that with 2 months of missed work aka no pay plus serious abdominal pains removing you from life as you know it.. I’ll most definitely pass. And let’s not forget the no driving. The inability to cook, clean and run my household. More time away from the gym. Oh, and yes, no work income. This cannot be happening.
I spent a few handfuls of minutes reading into the procedure and the more I read, the more fearful I became. Though some of the info may be outdated, if indeed the surgery takes place, I could be out for at least another month and the pain to be faced will be much greater than the original “fix”. Oy vey.
The anxiety I’m feeling is right up there. The tension mounts. However, this is just another time where I must stand back and be assured that this was in my cards long before I began worrying about it and the God I serve will once again carry me through, as I hobble and wince and recover.
Ultimately, this may all be avoidable and I’m just talkin’ jive. With my mind running in circles, all that can be done is the waiting of what may cometh Mondayeth.