The Shards of Them and The Shards of Me.

If you’ve been one to date, marry and stay with your first love, this could be an interesting read though not really for you. For those of you that have given your heart to several to a whole whack of people, this will speak moreso to you.

It isn’t the science of a rocket, my friends. When you lose someone important in your life, it hurts and you grieve. Typically, your torn up heart heals the best it can and you are ready to move on. And obviously there are levels of both knowing someone and the depth of your connection to each other, but from where I’m standing (actually I’m kneeling at the end of my water bed*) if you lose a parent or if you lose a girlfriend after 6 months of dating or if your 13 year old dog runs away there will be tears. There will be, as they say, a huge hole in your heart that will never fully heal. You will feel lost, loss and you will be down. It’s all pain, folks. That’s the bottom line.

I’ve fallen in love with and been loved by 10 women plus 2 wives. To the layperson, that’s a dozen. To everyone else, sorry for being so obvious. I can’t say I loved them equally. I suppose I loved them moreso uniquely. Everyone was different yet somehow they were all the same.

There’s been age gaps, mostly younger being the woman. So when I met and married my second wife, the oldest woman I have ever loved at 3 years younger than me, I thought maybe that might factor in to having greater success. Little did I know she was the most unstable one of the dozen.

There’s been cross culture. Well, I guess just my first wife. Everybody else has been white or at least different shades therein, from ghostlike to spray on cancer dark. It’s just how it’s been, folks, what can I say?

There’s been too many false starts. Talk of marriage way too early, 2 engagements way too early and 1 marriage that should never have happened. Maybe both marriages shouldn’t of happened but with the first time around, A) I did the right thing and B) I wouldn’t have my kids today, basically the only chaotic sanity I have going for me.

There has been short distance. There has been long distance. There have been great times and yes, you guessed it, even greater. My kids, meaning my two girls, have taken a beating in all this as well, unfortunately. And they have enough going on, the poor dears. When these relationships would end, I wasn’t the only one in this home with a wounded heart. They also felt the rejection that I did and probably moreso than I being that I ended 9 out of the 12 scenarios. Them yearning for that absentee mother figure then finding someone willing to love their father and love them.. pure heaven. And understandably pure hell in the aftermath of the failure.

Moving on, I have learned a few things that theoretically should help and protect both myself and my daughters and the other party involved, lest we forget.

1) There is no need to ever rush. I used to spend so much bloody time on the dating sites and holding multiple conversations with a handful of women. Plus all the meetings and the typical disappointment. No more of that approach. And equally, if you find yourself falling for someone, stretch it the eff out. Do not get married within a few months. Overall, I do not seek at all nowadays and I’m fine with that.

2) Don’t rehash the past. I’ve been really bad with this one, even semi lately. If something ends, whether by my choosing or theirs, one should not be open to revisiting the situation. I did that alot and both parties involved just get more and more annoyed. If it’s dead, it’s dead. Next!

3) Focus on what is really going on. Aka life itself and it’s present state, not looking for love on all the wrong faces. Have plans for a business? Educate yourself and start working toward it. Want to go on a vacation desperately? Sit down and plan out a savings budget. Spend more time with your kids. Or with your god. Or sleeping. Or doing whatever you are passionate about.

All that said, I do not believe in good things will come to him that waits. It’s crap. You need to go get your good thing. But in regards to someone to be with.. it comes when it comes. That’s all I know.

I am alone in the sense that I have no spouse/gf/whatever to be my best friend and it does officially suck. But honest to goodness, I am fine without and if you’re in my situation, then you should be too. Certain unnameables feel they can’t survive without a member of the opposite sex in their lives and what they need is a good, lengthy time of singledom and a really talented psychologist. Peace.

*I don’t really have a water bed.


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