Life is filled with good stuff and it can be a beautiful experience, floating from one great day to the next, living in abundance and in fullness. But life is also filled with potholes; deep, undeniable ones that either slow you down or completely render you stuck. This is the cycle of life and the removal of life which I understand is called death. This posting finds me in between.
Relax. I’m not as depressed as I’ve come across lately. I’m not tapping out any time soon. The place I am at is where we all live, aka in the middle. Some of us are more upbeat overall and some of us are real downers who whine and complain through life. I’m typically on the upbeat page but I’ve just let myself slip and things have piled up. I can at least pinpoint why I’m here, and how I need to get out and heal. Flourish, as it ’twas.
Believe it or not, I’ve been the slender man for most of my life. It always bothered me, being too thin so I did something about it in my late twenties. Between more calories and weights, I got to a place where I know consider the pinnacle of me physically. I preface this with that because I need people to understand that I always was either thin or in shape. It’s absurd to ever consider myself to one day be fat but here I am, slowly growing that way over the past 4 years.
I am in control of what I eat during my work day… then it all goes to pot. I’m talking pop, Mcds, pizza, cakes, doughnuts, chocolate, candy, whatever, whenever. I still currently struggle with this and it sucks. I’ve, at times, felt literally out of control, as though my urges are running my life.
Bending to tie a shoe or even bathing have struggles it seems, embarrassingly enough. My health has definitely declined due to the junk intake and a few years prior, I was never on prescribed meds, let alone a handful a day. Really gives perspective of those that live day in, day out extremely overweight and the constant extras that they face. I am now sympathetic to your plight.
Lack of sleep
Obviously huge for me, considering the extreme sleep apnea. But without that, I still find myself sleeping less than I should. I hate that I know better, yet I choose poorly then complain about it via this blog (I’m sorry, friends!) Indeed a vicious cycle of sorts which has me performing life itself as some sort of puppeted zombie, if there were such a thing. I’ll get myself up, work, family life, household chores, the gym (sparingly), writing, breathing, whatever else. One foot in front of the other, kinda sorta. Check my aorta. Open me a soda. Zen out like Yoda.
I’ve been adding to this post over the past couple of days and just now even on my break at work, knowing I need to finish this up and I’m taking my time looking at Instashmam. I fully get why people choose to take breaks from sites like Facebook or Instagram. Sure, I’ve never been one to spend hours on any given site (save WordPress!) but five/ten minutes here or there, plus multiple sites and multiple feeds, it can consume. Steals, quite frankly.
TV steals as well, but it seems different. I guess giving anything enough of your precious time that ultimately produces nothing is one of the stupidest things we humans can do. If I’m investing my time in one or more of my children, or time spent with a spouse or loved one, that time isn’t wasted. At least it should not be considered so.
A person must have faith in themselves and that there are indeed good things ahead. It’s true. There are also bad things to come but we shan’t shine light on that, not today anyway.