The Death Of Love.

It is with great joy that I relinquish any kind of hopes or dreams to spend the rest of my life with one woman. No, I haven’t turned the other butt cheek, heck no. It’s just a place I’ve graduated to with open eyes and a clear understanding of what my life should and shouldn’t be. I’m also not joining an ashram and getting my monk on, just to be even clearer.

The pursuit of a woman used to be a beautiful thing. That moment of deep connection and that first time those 3 words are uttered and received was unprecedented. Planning a shared life together gave such excitement and hope, as though this is it, this is my ‘one’.

I’ve had way too many of those. It no longer means anything. When you’re in your forties and those you care about the most are giving up on you, the terms ‘soulmate’ and ‘the one’ don’t really seem to apply any more.

I always thought that there’s someone for everyone and it was always in the skewed sense that it’s two half’s finding each other, just the same as terming it soulmates or what have you. At this seasoned point in my game, there are men and there are women (on my radar but if you have a different radar then ok). If I want one and she wants me, then that’s that. It isn’t two people created to find the other.

Almost two decades ago, I had the love of my kids and the realization that I didn’t need to be stuck in my loveless marriage. I remember clear as day thinking I can have it all, and it all meaning being with my children AND being with a woman that I was madly in love with. This was always my vision, even since childhood so I was, until recently, constantly striving to attain it. Such freedom in realizing that in taking a different path and creating change, one can be re-set and without a huge weight on their shoulders. I wanted but I didn’t know that I didn’t need.

This new mindset isn’t the accumulation of a broken heart or the drinkers favorite saying the next morning “never again”. This is thought through, calculated stuff, people. A big arrow directing me this way appeared the other week in seeing how much I am needed for my girls. This is something I’ve obviously known forever but for it to be brought into the light and seeing that maybe there is no one to love my girls the way I do and therefore there can never be room or a fit for a wife/stepmom. They are my life and it’s just the way it is.

I get it. You speak words of this nature over your life, and the exact opposite happens practically overnight. I get the reverse psychology/karma aspect of this and no, it isn’t my ulterior motive to actually find someone! I’m good. Real good.

What a world. Paths winding everywhere with no end in sight; just a faith and a hope that the direction you seek take you greater places whence from where you began. May one man’s eternal celibacy inspire you to great lengths. Pen drop.

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