Like a download from on high, it was mirrored to me today that my outward shell has been a window to the inner workings of my being. That is to say that my out of shape and sedentary body is in the same state as my out of shape soul and my unfit spirit. The three are designed to, when aligned and well maintained, operate in a fluid manner, like a well oiled what have you. When out of whack, which mine are mostly, more problems arise than warranted.
One cannot describe my physical state today as the outcome of many ups and downs. It’s been one big down for about four years and chump change. What was once a fit, disciplined body has for years been lazy and fat. I let my health and well being slide and with it went most of my self-confidence as well as the better portion of my clothing and the taken for granted ability to fit into them. I frequent the gym extremely unfrequently and my ability to say no to fast food and other sugar rich consumables gets the best of me. My sleep is erratic, my water consumption is down and that’s just the tip of the iceburger. Physically, to make a comparison to what I once was, I can confess that I am unhealthy.
The Soul (Mind)
What first comes to mind when describing the current state of my soul is the word misguided. Unfocused. Chaotic. All over ze place. I have unofficially become a master of the multi-task due to my fast paced life involving slow paced children, amongst all the other stuff that I’m faced with daily. I am without rest. I am quick to anger now whereas typically I’ve been a notably chill individual. I follow routines and I am bored. I am short on time and I am frustrated. I desire new challenges and know what to do, yet I procrastinate. I will not state that I am mentally ill because quite frankly that’s the last thing I am. But I am in need of more mental health. Betterment. I need to improve.
I am a born again, Christian child of God but I don’t always live like that and therefore am reasonably spiritually misguided. Sadly, I live each twenty four hour segment with one proverbial foot in each world: the Christian walk and the walk of everybody else. I used to attend church religiously (pun always intended), often times going twice on Sundays and participating in a weekly get together with the church fam to some degree. Now, I’m lucky to drag my buns out of bed in time to make it once every couple months. Not that church is the end all be all and every one who doesn’t attend will die spiritually, but it does top up ones spirit and it’s good to be amongst ones church family. I have been lazy and complacent, even at the weekly prompting of my daughter Lindsey who is always let down when I say next week. I read my bible minimally and my prayer life needs a stronger regularity. I am not healthy spiritually, this I can admit.
So Now What?
I need to be realigned. Or maybe I was never fully originally aligned, never mind the re part? But how do I do that? The word procrastination comes up again.
For the longest time, I’ve had the necessary tools for growth and tools change at my disposal but I never pick them up. I could pray a thousand prayers over one hundred days and I wouldn’t go where I wanted or become who I need to. The Almighty is in fact almighty but frankly, the only one that can help me is…drumroll…you. Just kidding, it’s me. Yours truly.
I need to simply walk. To take that first step or in my case leap because I need to be cannon ball style all in this time. There ain’t no going back, misters and missuses.
I want to lose weight. Umm, don’t eat crap. Boom, next! I want to be clear and think positively and do what I need to do. Umm, get more sleep, more water and develop thought habits to sharpen your noodle. Bam, what! I want to grow my inner spirit man. Umm, read the word, pray more and go to church weekly. Truly too easy!
Singularly, that’s literally all it will take for me to be on track with who I want to be and where I want to go. That’s great and all but I’m still unaligned. The three parts of me will be performing optimally and I know I will feel better about myself and therefore look and live better but what about fluidity? I guess one thing at a time. Or three, in this case.