Today I am filled with an inexplicable joy and it is because I am signing the paper work that will dissolve my marriage officially. I mean I feel like I’ve been single for over two years but legally I’ve been bound to the ex. And that, as of 6pm tonight, is no more. I’m officially a divorcee!
It wasn’t anything I thought about on an even weekly basis. I knew we’d dissolve it at some point and carried on as though it was done. But actually signing those documents lifted a weight that I guess I never knew existed in my life. That chapter is fully closed!
Marriage is a yoking. Its binding. Sure, it’s been over two years since we separated and spiritually, physically and emotionally I have been broken free of but it still carried something. That legality. Her walking around with my name as though it were hers. Now she can use whatever dumb name she wants!
What’s the first thing a man (or a woman) does when they get out of prison after a lengthy 5 year stint? I wouldn’t know but I would imagine besides a fresh pack of smokes, they might want to just sit and be still, preferably with a nice view and outside. They would take in all that they could not. The simple things that they were denied would now, in this moment, be realized and embraced.
That was me all day today. My spirit had a skip in its walk. I was more lively, cracked more wise than any typical day. It was a sense of accomplishment; it was the beauty of being a free man. Maybe not so much a free man but a man free of her. I was taking in large gulps of this outdoor wonder and possessed a satisfied punim!
In short, the ride that is life cannot be denied. I’ve never been caught in a descending depression or ever been close to ending my life but if you have been there or are considering…there is so much good in this life, you just have to look for it. We all get caught up in some nonsense (just like my unpleasant marriage) from time to time but the breaking free makes us remember what joy truly feels like.
The weights are lifted. You can always begin again. The cheese on this one is extra tart but truly every time you open your eyes in the morning, you’ve been given the greatest gift imagineable and that is of course to make today the best day of yours and quite possibly someone elses lives. If you agree and have much love in you to give, please share it. (And share this posting!). Cheers!