20 Questions (This Is Where My Sanity Went).

What do you do when your daughter has a blood stained shirt from yet another lengthy nosebleed and she has dark, sunken eyes, bright lips and just wants to sleep? And when her twin sister is vomiting for what seems no reason and isn’t herself? What do you do when you’re overwhelmed and saddened by their heavy list of meds which cause their own side effects and problems causing even more stresses than the original diagnosis? Where is the reprieve for either those suffering or you the parent engulfed in the madness? Welcome to a few minutes of my life.

What if you make just above minimum wage and feel the constant strain of barely enough?What do you do when you’ve missed a few days due to a sick child and rent isn’t fully paid? What if your passion is to write and the little time you can find for it, nothing has come out of it? What if past addiction calls to you? Ever known the terror of questioning whether you’ll make it alive to or from work thanks to your sleep apnea? What if you’re suddenly 50 lbs heavier and tying shoelaces becomes a chore?

How about being in the hospital again with your daughters and the nurses have poked her three times and still can’t find a vein? How about hearing they’ve both lost weight and you need to up meal frequency and calorie intake? What about that feeling when you’re at work and the hospital calls saying they’ve been trying to reach you because your daughter is growing a dangerous blood infection and you’re other daughter has a lung fungus?

What do you do when, again, the nurses can’t successfully navigate access a vein so they dig and prod that needle around in your daughters skin in four locations as she shakes and bawls? How about canceling your daughters birthday plans because one twin will be stuck in the hospital over it? When does the time come for me to find good, solid rest? If I fall apart, who takes care of all these problems?

Where does one turn when the path is so dark and there is no where to hide? When do you give up and finally accept defeat? Why is there that drive to just keep going? When does it all end?

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