Right now life is moving so fast, it’s as though I’m standing still, watching it. Between leaving a daughter at the hospital, leaving another at home, working weird hours and without much time for anything other than sleep, this is no way for a person to live. Alas, these times come upon us regardless of anticipation or of suprise. And there is not a damn thing one can do about it.
I can complain. Doesn’t whining feel good? Regress to the diaper and grab a suck from the teat? Pay someone to say “it’s going to be alright, darling”? Stay in bed today because you deserve it. Guess what? You don’t.
No matter how crazy, messed up and insane your struggles are at this exact moment, everyone else is also going through something similar and quite possibly worse. Does keeping that sentiment forefront in my brain alleviate my scenario a few percent? Not really but it helps on some level. As alone as I often feel, I suffer with many. So comforting.
I’m going to be black and white honest…I started this posting three days ago and managed to get out about four sentences a day. This two week segment is officially defined by that confession. Here I am, trying desperately to formulate a few useful thoughts and life is eating me up and leaving me hollow.
There are two more days in my week and from them I must escape but since I cannot I must therefore survive. If not, feel free to set up a go fund him account to pay for the funeral and catering. It will no doubt be a small gathering but who knows, maybe my writing will then be worth something. Let’s look on the bright side here, folks.
Something else to not rule out is a voluntary lobotomy. From what I’ve been told they are coming back in a big way. I would think there would be no more stressing or going through the motions. I guess there would literally be no more thinking, just me in a vegetative state, making unintelligible noises and wearing bibs. Definitely a possible life choice down the next stretch.
For now I’ll stick with the monotony factory tipped upside down aka this cluster bleep that I’m on the inside of looking out. I’d say things can only get better but it’s apparent that things are still in a state of steady decline and so it shall be.
I have my blessings. We all do. May they stay in the front of our minds as we press on through the muck.