Today is probably one of the heaviest days of my life and I don’t even know it. I started it off by telling a work friend that whatever comes my way today it matters not, because my daughter is going to be discharged from the hospital after 39 days. Well, guess what? A lot came at me to steal that joy and yes, I have my sweet daughter home in her own bed but I am ending this memorable day with streams of hot tears down my face, in a good way.
Confession: I am responsible for where I am in life. Nobody put me here. I’m typically a goal oriented man and I’ll be honest, I’ve been rudderless this year so how can I expect to go anywhere better than where I am at with no destination set out? I am unhappy and I feel alone. I’m transparent and I feel like it all shows all the time.
I was watching a Tony Robbins documentary last night and though I knew years ago his general schtick, I hadn’t seen the remarkable work he does and the hot emotion in the stories of brave people wanting freedom from their own lives cages. I cried and cried and cried, listening to the 26 year old woman forced into providing sex for men (in exchange for love and with religious connotations) starting at the age of 6 and by 12 all she wanted was suicide. The strength of people blows my mind. We all have our own stories but obviously some greater than others.
The release of these emotions was exactly what I needed after my little girl being stuck in the hospital for nearly 6 weeks. The sadness of having to leave her there daily, the anger at the doctors not letting her out and the sheer helplessness of her 6 day stay in the ICU where all I could do was hold her hand and cry with her had worn away much of me. The fact of the matter is we made it through. She was a warrior who did not give up. And the testament of her always having a smile for every doc and every nurse is a window into how very sweet my daughter is.
I haven’t been altogether too creative this past while so it brings me pleasure announcing the new blog mini-series I am working on. The first one I did spawned my first book and this one I feel strongly will exceed anything I have written before. I have completed about 75% of the first installment so it should be out very soon with multiple parts to follow.
Why am I combining all of these separate topics together in a sort of mishmash posting? A random recipe with too many flavors? It’s because they all intrinsically work together. When I don’t have a map and I’m hit with a life altering scenario for weeks upon weeks, I get lost quickly and everything accumulates dust, including my writing. I didn’t know it but the thing I needed most was to watch that Tony Robbins special. To revel in someone who so has it together and to also revel in these horribly sad stories of those who are worse off than me. Direct medicine to the parts of me that ached and screamed the most.
My daughter is home and that brings healing to a wound that cut deeper and deeper every day. The need for further growth by shifting focus and also becoming excited again about future prospects in my creative outlet are antibiotics for my long term disease. To look at things new and to deal with them appropriately. If I can grow, you most certainly can too.