One of the most difficult things a person can do is gracefully be truly thankful for squandered or missed opportunities. The girl that turned you down. The job that you couldn’t get. The baby that you can’t make. The storm that destroyed your property. How does one give thanks in the face of such heart wrenching diversity? With discipline and with purpose.
During my short lived and tumultuous second marriage, we took in a couple visits to psychiatrists. The one thing stated that stands out to me still today is in reference to the heated times where we are disagreeing and I’m driving her nuts and she’s driving me nuts. At the pinnacle of this, when the last thing I want to do is love on her and hold her.. when the last thing I think she wants me to do is touch her, I need to. I need to reassure her that I love her, in the time I dislike her the most. Say what now?!!
If I’m hurting, I typically want distance. I want my space and without you in it. Is this the time for me to get down on my knees and be thankful.. genuinely thankful for this situation?? Hecks no. No hex intended. Do-you-do voodoo? I don’t.
After a long stint of singledom, I grew attached to a certain so-and-so. I thought about her all the time and when I was around her I was lit up like you guessed it, the xmas bush. To be honest, I still kinda do. But it’s abundantly clear that she does not return the feelings and it caused hurt. A lucrative bit. So I’m supposed to thank my lucky stars (or preferably my God) that she turned this guy down? I should be very thankful for the heart drop kick? The bye-bye bitch slap? Preposterous!!
What about that time I was required to move in under three weeks? That wasn’t fun. We loved that house. That pool. That location. How do I be appreciative of that scary scenario? Am I really going to say thank you in a time like that?
I could easily list event after event in my life that was a near miss opportunity but I’m filling a blog posting, not writing my next book. Simple as a red lighted intersection. Or having to wait for a train. Maybe my life is being spared from a violent accident if I wasn’t forced to wait.
With the girl thing, maybe we would end up fighting non-stop or worse. Maybe a disease would be spread. I have to look at it as dodging a bullet. I have to look at it as now the right girl for me has the clearance to come into my life. The one who actually wants to discover me, be with me and love me. If I was tangled up in something else I would miss out.
In regards to the ridiculously fast move out, now I’m saving $500 a month. Now we are minutes from my daughters school. Now I have an awesome out of country landlord, not a…bad one.
So I can easily be thankful with the proper perspective. As far as immediately dropping everything mid-storm like the shrink suggested, I don’t think I’m there but after a little bit of calm and some mild reflection, the ability to see the good in anything is not difficult at all.