Here Lies Single McDingleton.

What a filthy world it is for us aging single people. I’m convinced you don’t get the whole find mate/keep mate thing right in your twenties you’re screwed. Sure, there’s the odd thirtysomething or even forty year old that finds and secures love. It’s cool and grande but relatively rare, wouldn’t you say? Sure it can happen at any time to anyone but I’m just spitballing percentages here, folks. Where is yours and where is mine? News flash: it ain’t coming. Welcome to the realest blog posting you’ll ever see.. today.

Fact 1: I was/am a hopeless romantic.

That sentiment is slipping away from me faster than the hairs are vacating my scalp. I’ve taken shots at relationships and obviously failed. Failed at love. Pulled out more so but on paper it’s a failing grade. F for me. I recently, over like 8 months, made my adoration for another obvious and was overly persistent, the most persistent I’ve ever been over any girl in the history of me. For what? Heart ache and wasted time. A wake up to the voice telling me to sit down son ’cause your time is past. It’s not not true, I can say that much.

Fact 2: This posting only has one fact. (See Fact 1).

I’m not getting any younger and neither are you. I’m not saying lower your expectations a bit but c’mon.. lower your expectations a bit. I find for me the longer I’m single coupled with the older that I am I get pickier with higher expectations than ever. Shouldn’t that be the opposite? I mean I get it, I am not into just anybody for the sake of someone. Never was. But it should be less complex. I shouldn’t need a lab coat, a cattle prod and a hubble bubble telescope to find a great specimen, somebody worthy of my rugged masculinity. My debonair charisma channeled into a flamboyant authority and a most confident lover. What, I’ve been described these ways many many times so take it easy on me.

Fact 3: Still, only just the one.

Many things can be bought, sold, traded or stolen but love is not on the list. Speaking from experience I recently tried stealing a bit of love but she was well guarded and I’m now in the aquaintance zone and barely. Some things you just can’t steal. I collected hockey cards when I was a pre-teen and would some times trade with friends who had what the other person wanted. I’m pretty certain you can’t trade in something for love and lasting love at that. It isn’t tangible. It gives off no scent. Simply stated.. not a chance in Hades.

Enjoy the memories, embrace what you have around you and make other plans. Other plans that don’t include a better half or a future spouse. Enough time has been wasted in the search. Time to search for real stuff like buried treasure and the key to making it rich over night. These are the things that bring true happiness, not some silly woman who adores you and would do anything for you. How stupid is that, right?

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