Head In The Sand.

More often than not my good intentions are overlooked by my oafish mannerisms and my quick to judge responses. I can mean well, in fact very well, but if the next thing that comes out of my mouth is my foot going into it I’m a temporary lost cause. This is a part of me that lies dormant typically but on occasion I go down this path and it’s at this point that I’m not only willing to finally see it but I’m also needing to fix this in me. Is there anything like this you see in yourself that needs a little tinkering?

The other early morning at work I wanted to show a colleague the new drum set I had aquired the night prior. I whipped out my phone and said something to the effect of “Hey check this out.” By the time I got where I assumed was a normal distance to them and brought my eyes off my phone they were taking large steps backwards. Let’s stop here for a sec. I get it. We’re knee deep in covid-19 here. We’ve all heard of social distancing and are keeping it in our minds as we go about mingling alongside others. This person has demonstrated eye roll-able behaviours before but to me this took the entire bakery, not just the cake.

Back to my story. The gist of the next two minutes of dialogue was me expressing my disliking and of them telling me, in an equally annoyed tone, that I needn’t get offended and that this is what we’re supposed to do. If this was 15 years ago chit chat I would have said stop acting so retarded but I didn’t. In my disgust I basically threw my arms up, walked away and kept the pic to myself. In my mind they didn’t need to do that, they’re telling me something I don’t want to hear and now things are gonna be awkward for a while.

Fantastic. And it’s their fault, right? For the love of Simon Peter, don’t be a friggin weirdo! That’s not asking too much is it? I’m not about to embrace you and touch you and breathe on you. I simply wanted to show you something I thought you might find cool, considering we had talked about drum lessons months prior. There’s nobody around. Me standing two or three feet in front of or beside you will not make us both die on the spot. This plagued me for a good chunk of the day.

By the next day it dawned on me that this person is who they are. They are not me and they do not share my brain. How can I be in the right and them in the wrong when there is no finish line here and no medals to be awarded? If they want to behave in a certain way then so be it! Who am I to judge or condescend them? So what if something offends me? They aren’t going out of their way to do so. It’s just my perception and I’m the only one out of line. I wish these logical thoughts came to me on the spot during the event, not 24 hours later but I guess I can’t win ’em all.

We never did talk this one through but I’m sorry. And again I’m like this hit and miss, what can I say. My heads buried in the sand. I need sharpening like a pencil or a skate except.. differently. I need to interact more with adult humans, not just special needs children and cats, bless them all. At the end of the day I’ll take 12 feet and a megaphone just to still be able to chat with you. Elbow hugs.

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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