I’m having an effin thumbs down style day. You know them. When things go sideways multiple times. And on a day off work, no less, when things should be perfect and serene. Not today. I love my kids, don’t get me wrong. So much, in fact, the other night I let my mind go to allowing the girls to move out in a few years and I bawled. Today, on the other hand, I’m going nucking futs (saw that on a T-shirt many moons ago). Lowest bidder can have ’em.

Maybe you, the reader, can telepathically explain this one to me because I am lost here. How is it even possible that in one day two sixteen year old kids can do four individual stainings (and massive) juice spills in the living room? And if that didn’t blow ones mind enough, at the end of a good house cleaning I discovered a trail of what looks like toothpaste spills all down the upstairs hallway and into Lexis’s room! Oh, and if that isn’t enough to make the walls shake in adult anger I find the equivalent of about 3 separate yet hearty what looks like dried milk stains in Lindsey’s room? Why? How? What!!!?

This house isn’t the newest. And granted, our living room carpet is embarrassingly pre-stained before we moved in. That disgusts me enough but bright pink and orange new additions??? What in the actual barnacles?! It’s as though they walked around and said “ok, splish here and hmm wait, and splash here” meanwhile doling out juice, milk and toothpaste at will. How am I to believe it’s all an accident?! But even more mind numbing is why would they do a mass calculted spill fest??

Am I seeing things? Have I finally lost my mind? Maybe I’m to blame. Maybe I nap-walked this afternoon with a jetpack full of colored liquids. Maybe I figured that white is a boring color (#blacklivesmatteryawn…) and we needed some paintin’ goin’ on. This train of thought is dumb as a post-covid health specialist but something needs to shed some light.

I guess their allowance is gone for at least three months. One must save up for a professional maid crew to come in and cleanse all these drop spots. Know a good company with decent rates? Feel free to share the wealth of knowledge. The only time I clean carpets is before a move out but this calls for it yesterday.

In the grand scheme of things sure, what’s a little spill stain? This isn’t that however. This is a huge fourteen spill stain. Our trip to the zoo may be cancelled over this shiznit. Parenting never ends now does it.

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