Life is full of darkness and lamentation. And it’s okay to relay such blurbs as a person is often vindicated in expressions like these. But life, like my recent writings, can’t always be riddled with sorrow. What happened to the funny? Where’d my smile go?
Things have been ultra heavy lately. Covid fallout, my daughters health/being trapped in a hospital for weeks again, my own health issues and a dear friend choosing to be silent when her ear, at minimum, is sorely needed. Usually stresses don’t get to me but this is new level bullcrap.
I’m finding myself finding myself in this shadowy time. Can’t say I’ve lost myself but there is a better version of me under a layer or two of skin and I want to re-inhabit him. That guy. Taking it one step further.. I want to be me but renewed. I want to be friggin new. Born again, though already spiritually saved.
This time I want to breathe life into all that’s around me. I want to be someone that is valued, not discarded and unspoken to. A better friend. A better son. A better father. Better than cheddar and equal to feta. Abstaining from buddha like medium gouda. I wanna be shredded like mozza and adorable like marble. I need a derriere like camembert while I watch Home Alone munching provolone.
Not only did I just lose myself, I lost all of you and I’m sorry from the bottom of rusty heart with the valves and the thingies. Basically I’m waking up to the premise that I can’t go on in this fashion. Been there. Done this ten thousand times over. Cue up my next.