The reward of seeing my children happy and healthy, maybe with want but without need, is priceless. The virtue of holding that in my hand after not having one child home for over a month is pure gold. And though taken care of, she was in rough shape and wanting to simply escape those four cold walls. These are the things we take for granted.
I’ve had visions of losing a child, typically one of the twins. As soon as the fleeting thought enters my mind I escort it out faster than it arrived but it haunts me. I don’t consider it a vision of what’s to come. I consider it a ploy of the enemy to instill fear into a sometimes already shaky sub-structure. I rebuke such thoughts and embrace what I have been given.
To sit with her through those hours long nosebleeds. To watch her take her tenth needle in 2 days. To turn down her pleas to come home with tears in her eyes. To hold her hand during the latest MRI. To go from that world back to the reality of telling her to clean her room and having her complete it is strangely heaven. To be able to discipline her for being rude to her sister is a privilege. Only when negatives are allowed to be positives does everything seem to align.
She is my heart. She is a treasure daily to behold. I no longer see a tomboy who forgot to clean her face. All I see is angel, as though crossing over to the other side for seconds has evolved her and made her even more immortal than she was before. She is my reminder that there’s so much more to a mundane life on earth.
This kind of wealth cannot be bought. With healthy children I can now face the world; the only time I couldn’t face the world was when my children were unhealthy. The darkness is a necessity, I can clearly see that now. Without it we’re running circles in the light.
This uplifting has me elevated from within. And only two things remain. I can’t get to where I have on my own and I will give my life for these extensions of myself. I am blessed with them and by them but they are not mine to possess. Because they live I live and I will never look at them for granted ever again.
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