I’m not saying change can’t happen whenever but by removing myself from most normal daily activities achieving monumental growth has become a reality. This, coupled with the ability to create new lines of thinking is making this easier than I ever imagined. Step into my psyche.
I haven’t cured covid but for the first time in who knows how long things in me are healing at a steady rate. I took a giant step backward to see how truly offset I was and have been functioning for years. I mean I knew I was in need of work but deep down inside I was a mess. I was physically toxic, spiritually starving, emotionally four walled and psychologically misguided. Note to reader (and self!): I’m only saying past tense was because the process of change has begun. Am I fully through to the other side in all facets and completely fixed? Hecks no but working daily. I’m crossing over.
This is a five minute read not a four hundred page autobiography so I’ll try to keep this brief. I could spout off that I used to be fit but I also used to be younger. Neither is a lie and here I am. I’m overweight, I have sleep apnea, I have high blood pressure and I have plantar fasciitis. They are all tied together and this is my blessing and my curse. The good news is when I get a handle on one of them then they all will slowly begin to disappear. The flippin flip side is that all together they are quite monumental and frustrating to chip away at. Luckily, I’ve found my crack inside. Also it hasn’t helped that I’ve shoved anything resembling food into my pie hole. Vicious.
I am a very spiritual person. A quick rephrase might be to say I am a very spiritual person when I’m including it in my daily life. When I’m in that groove, I’m in solid. And when I’m out it often takes me a while to realize how removed I seemingly accidentally got. Take these past bunch of weeks for example. Typically my heaviest prayer session is on my morning commute to work. Out of that 30 or so minutes at least half of it is me yammering to the Almighty. Next thing I know I’m in a world of living at the hospital and not working for an extended amount of time and my prayer life all but vanishes. Out of mind, out of sight.
I’m gonna stab this one hard in the meaty part and admit I used to think I was pretty in tune with my emotions. I cried often enough whether triggered by a sick child, the rejection of a girl or during a sad flick. But the more I stand back with this one what’s exposed is the makings of a big baby boyby (yes, I meant to say that). The kind of person that has been through so much and has locked most of it away under the scribbles “Do not touch until after death”. Like my physical phlab, my emotional flab could be poked with a needle and there would be so much dang drainage you could fill a sophical. Or heck, even 2. If there was ever a tie for emotional blockage and feeling emotionally drained simultaneously I would take first, second or third prize. Dependant upon whom my competitors were, of course.
Mental or psychological health refers to your ability to process information. Similar yet different from emotional health which refers to your ability to express feelings which are based upon the information you have processed. I knew I processed things/events differently than others and I felt I needed a shrink or someone to crawl up inside my cranium and tweak some brainy material. This, I’m sure, would realistically be healthy for me and I will pursue it but for now I know/knew I’m a bit effed. Foggy. Twisted. Wrong some of the time. But I haven’t touched any of those bent parts inside because I had no clue how to fix me and my processor.
In theory, this would have been one posting but like six words into paragraph number two and I knew I needed to say more. I’ve let you take a peek at the broken parts this go round. And within the second part I will give you answers to how health is flowing steadily in all these darkened areas of me. Cheers!