Hi, School.

Whilst back to school shopping this evening I found myself googling “what high school kids bring lunches in”. I was curious if I go the paper bag route or zippered lunch tote for my girls entering grade 10 in a few days. The search basically resulted in answers of typical food items, not answering my honest to goodness query. Brown bags seems cooler though this is a special needs program so I’m thinking whatever is fine.

This got me thinking back to my high school experience. Did I even bring a lunch?! Surely I wouldn’t have bought a meal every day. I must have went way of the brown bag. Guess the answer is one text away from my mutha but some things don’t really matter, much like this entire conundrum.

I just don’t want them getting beaten up. We’ve all seen the movies and lesser stated, we’ve actually attended the dreaded high school and seen some of these jagoffs ourselves. Lindsey wanted an emoticon backpack and I nixed it. Lexis tried to sneak in a Spiderman shirt and I distinctly remember saying “You wanna get your butt kicked? Put it back.”

High school isn’t a place of unicorn murals and rainbows everywhere (well, I mean the old school rainbow…). You can’t rightly get away with bedazzled clothing and a Frozen 2 lunchbox. The halls of a high school hold gossip, cliques, rude adolescents and yes, bullies. You know.. losers that have checkered pasts and wanna feel above y’all.

Over the next 3 days I am going to be teaching my girls one or two original talents that just might get them out of a jam or a pinch, if you will. Observe Napoleon Dynamite.. super nerd. But what if said geek learns how to dance like the wind on steroids? Kind of a cool cat, afterall. So some loser bullies Lexis for her notoriously baggy shirts and then what? She ain’t comin’ home with a tear stain on her cheek. No, no. Maybe she’ll jump off the second floor balcony and fly like a bird down the floor one using her massive shirt as a friggin’ parachute. Now who’s laughing, sucka? Just sayin’. Musin’.

And this could be all for naught. This invisible covid goblin may make an appearance and after one or two days of nauseating high school monotony it will be just a memory and it’s back to “home schooling” and I use that term very lightly. Prepare for the best and pretend the worst doesn’t exist, I always say. This cookie too shall crumble.

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