Stifling Darkness.

Certain things are unable to function when the tank is empty. Anything with an engine is all that comes to mind. I was going to say the stomach but for humans anyway, we are capable of so much more when we are depleted than we think.

I had a piss poor day. My lower back has been aching and I felt nauseous and downright ghost like. Including getting in a nap the day didn’t really get any better. I don’t feel like I’d be good company and I don’t have anything to say. Or do I?

I was watching some Navy Seal style thing the other night where a group of people sign up to endure 48 hours of intense physical endurance without food or sleep outside in the elements while being berated by these drill Sergeants. Not my cup of tea but it reminded me that the human spirit, unbroken, can allow the body and mind to go through hell on earth and still be able to function. Simply put: we have alot inside us to give.

Day two of this almost out of body experience. Like a spirit without a host and no one in particular to haunt, floating and transparent. I feel at war with myself over two issues I care not to discuss at this point. All I want to do is sleep as though to escape any of this darkness. I have to dig down just to put in a days work. It’s a very real struggle that needs an end and soon. Whether I beat it or die, something has to break.

And even down here where the only friend is misery, the human spirit is not near as depleted as I’m feeling. Though more so documenting than anything I am still capable of putting together my art medium. This is where you see what you’re made of. The reserves on hand may just give my confidence the desperate boost it needs to follow through and excavate oneself.

Without the knowledge that I’ve made any sense whatsoever, this has definitely been an exercise in exorcism. “The ghost that coughed up demons” can be inscribed on my watery grave. And so I do what roaming spirits do and wander the earth alone and without rest. I guess at least I’ll get to see some places I’ve always dreamed of traveling to. Can’t be the worst thing to be an apparition.

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