There is much power in forgiveness. On the asking end as well.
To My Children.
Forgive me for not always being patient. I get caught up in my things and other things and miss certain important moments in your lives. Forgive me for pretending to hold it all together when I really don’t know what I’m doing. The facade is a lie and no lies are worth telling. Forgive me for not providing you with a suitable, loving mother figure. You yearn for this without saying it and I am sorry for not fulfilling that in you.
To My Mother.
Forgive me for being needy and seemingly without a port. I’ve caused you undue stress because I’m not like my sisters, I know this to be true. Forgive me for monopolizing so much of your time, finances and energy in being there for your needy grand daughters. I know you value these times with them but they are equally taxing and require alot from you. Forgive me for not always being truthful with you. There are things that you are unaware of that you should know.
To My Sisters.
Forgive me for being distant from both of you. Growing up, we seemed so much closer and knowledgeable of what’s going on in each others lives. Forgive me for not reaching out or paying a visit. It’s a cop out to say I get caught up in my own life. I could very easily send a quick message, I just simply don’t and it shames me. Forgive me for anything that went down in our childhood or later years that has given a reason for the silent distance. I love you both very much and I am upset that I just keep it inside.
To My God.
Forgive me for putting everything thing else before you. I was taught to seek you first, yet I typically do the opposite then wonder why I feel so lost. Forgive me for all the wrong choices that I seem to make. Without focus, I do what makes me temporarily feel good without remorse or without acknowledging the consequences. Forgive me for keeping my relationship with you amongst my best kept secrets. The other day a coworker confided they had no idea of my beliefs and the shame in that was grand.
Forgive me for all the broken promises. For years I’ve lied to you and told you what I wanted for us but didn’t follow through. Forgive me for the self imposed abuse. I have violated you physically, emotionally and spiritually for years upon years. Forgive me for going against everything I know to be right. I’ve painted myself a fool over and again as you watched and couldn’t help me. Forgive me for breaking your heart and kicking you while you were down. We need a sound mind, one of us. To be whole. This isn’t supposed to be like this.