The Rugs Pulled From Under.

Coming off the heels of a good solid month of a very depressive state, I am feeling much better. Stronger. Or am I? The answer is yes, in relation to my own specific trials and tribulations. But isn’t it funny how life throws other unexpected curve balls at ya, just as you’ve pulled yourself up and regained balance? The indelible irony.

Today was a day planned months ago. The girls and I were to go back to the naturopath in Red Deer then our favorite library, capped off with supper at grandma’s. The roads were clear all last week and will be the next stretch of days as of tomorrow. But today? Today is total crap. White knuckle driving and ditches littered with vehicles kind of a day. A bummer, for sure, but I wouldn’t want to put us in jeopardy like that.

A close work friend hasn’t said more than one sentence to me in two weeks. It was a typical thing for the past year point whatever to have a solid ten minute catch up every single shift. Now not so much. Shouldn’t be a big deal right? People have things going on. Just weird is all. I miss her alot. And another rug pulled out from under.

I had a sober night last night and slept eleven hours so I should feel amazing but I don’t. Headachy and nauseous. An outside sickness? Doubtful but again just another of lifes gut punches, especially after I feel like I’ve made a series of good choices lately. I don’t require a medal but I also don’t appreciate the dumping on me either. This too shall pass.

Our immunity to messes and stresses is thrown off course only when we allow ourselves to stay down instead of bouncing right back up. We are strong birds with armor for feathers. Full of dents, gouges and dried blood but the darkness of it hides our scars well. No one is truly alone though it’s typically how alot of us feel. Dead is dead. I choose life.

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