Rigged.

Anyone else feel like their life is consistently rigged for the wrong? I mean I’m fully aware life has it downward trajectories and everything but a day in my life can be pretty stupid. Something “off” doesn’t just happen. It goes sideways from B to C then generates five phone calls to more questions than answers and ultimately a conclusion is formed with my head spinning, questioning existence itself. Allow me to share my yesterday.

I woke up for a later shift meaning I slept a bit more but ended up feeling worse. The kind of start to your day where, for at least 3 seconds, you consider a day in bed. Alas, I have a job to do so I got myself up and into the bathroom. Instantly I’m berated with texts from both daughters claiming stomach aches and a “bad cough”. These are things we’ve lived with for years and they eventually dissipate pretty quick so to stay home from school is typically not an option.

I have my parenting strengths but first thing in the morning when I’m barely functioning myself just throws my game off and winds me up. Freshly showered (and no less cranky) I’m on the main floor now and it is 8:10 meaning that in 10 or less minutes the taxi is coming for the girls. Lindsey has barely touched her breakfast and its 25 minutes past the time instructed to eat so there’s another little gut jab of annoyance. I announce it’s time to get coats and boots on then they wait by the front door.

It is now 8:20. Then it’s 8:25. Where’s the effin cab?! I grab my bag and tell them I will drive them to school, which loosely translates more frustration and a good 15 or so late for work. Now, I am a signs guy and this entire time I’ve been pushing through said signs, feeling noble in my quest to succeed at my day. So we get to school, kisses and goodbyes, then I’m on the phone with work. I quickly explain and say I’ll be 15 or so late and that’s that. Next up is a quick email to the cab company contact and then I’m on my way.. until I realize I only have half my lunches with me and I figure I should hit a drive thru. What will another 3 minutes hurt, am I wrong?

Order up and I tap my card. Declined. Say what now?! I insert the dang card like it was 2016 all over again and again, declined. With my hunger growing and life time elapsing I zip across the road to a gas station. Masked up and with wallet in hand what do I see? The ATM is out of service.

Now be honest. Would you keep going at this point? Or would you consider the universe is conspiring against you and surrendering is the only viable option? Against my normal programmed response I pushed on.

My own bank was just up the road so I figured I’d pull out a $20, hit the next fast food joint and get to work. Simple enough plan and what could get in the way at this point? More debit card shenanigans, that’s what. My own bank branch and I got denied. Next line of thinking was to go into the branch and sort this nonsense out, all the while leaving with breakfast moolah. Slight problem though. It was 9:03 and the branch didn’t open til 9:30.

This was my breaking point. This is when I accepted that my day had been rigged and if I continue on the path I was on then who knows what calamity stalks me and possibly my children. Ya, a bit over the top but I was frazzled and I’d only be up for like 70 minutes. So I surrendered. I got on my knees and placed my hands behind my back. I lowered my forehead to the cold concrete and gave up any rights I had left. Ever have a morning like that?

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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