Bed Rest In A Bathing Suit.

After my little back procedure today I was informed that for the next 3 days I’m not on bed rest but the next step down. This could mean a myriad of things. Can I do dishes or can’t I? Should I dress myself or hire somebody? When I order in food should I get up to pay or have a daughter do it? Makes a guy’s head spin.

I assume the definition of bed rest is resting in or on one’s bed. Sound about accurate? So what’s the next step below that? Resting on a couch? On someone else’s? Can I rest my foot on the accelerator in my vehicle?

I know I’m not allowed to bathe as per the possibility of infection. I’m not a huge bather, maybe somewhere in the middle. Let’s just say I gravitate towards a good shower but being denied a bathing session really puts me in a box. Luckily it’s only 3 days. Soon you won’t be able to get me outta there. I’ll be dining in the hot, soapy waters.

I’ve never really fit in a bathtub. Maybe when I was six or so. I’d like to say one day I’ll have one 2 to 3 times the regular dimensions but I doubt it’ll happen and so do you and that’s fine. I might as well install an underground pool in the backyard instead. Makes more sense.

Back to the bed rest. The most common time we hear about someone being on bed rest is in reference to a pregnant lady. Has anybody ever stopped to think for a second that the reason I’m 270 lbs is because I’m pregnant?! We all know in this day and age it’s possible. Maybe it was the doctors way of saying a step down from bed rest because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but did sense the presence of a fetus gestating nearby.

This is all text book stuff. And by text book stuff, I mean stuff in a text book. If there was ever a time to be creative it’s probably now. Maybe I’m a little stir crazy, who knows. I need to get out of this house. But I’m on bed rest or just about.

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