How often can you say the three ginormous words “life is good”? I remember uttering this rare statement at least a couple times but I have no clue when. Long, long ago, that is for certain. It has surely been awhile since I’ve found life to be good exactly.
I don’t buy the people that live by the motto “never a bad day”. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not over here crying underneath my umbrella being pelted by hellfire and brimstone. But I do know a thing or three about life and to exist in a state of constant rightness is a figment of the cuckoo brain.
Being stuck in a certain life loop doesn’t help matters either. Unable to appreciate ones appearance in the mirror due to sloppy, addictive life choices could be one such problem. It’s awfully hard to love life when you’re barely in survival mode and hating yourself 95% of the time. Speaking on behalf of a friend, c’mon.
Sometimes you just gotta pull yourself from the game and do the work that is long overdue. Recently I drove my vehicle way past the point of metal on metal brakes grinding. I needed to drop what I was doing and get those things serviced immediately but I ignored the signs of certain death and kept on pushing. In the end there was nothing fatal with the vehicle, just the brakes and rotors needing replacement. I guess I got lucky.
I’m at that point now, physically and emotionally. I have continued in the fast lane far beyond my pit stop to the point of missing the next and the next. What I considered to be a high functioning basket case recently has me unable to bear the costly weight anymore. I can’t pretend to be me any longer.
So here I am, doing something about my present state. I won’t be this version of me one day longer. I can’t do it. I’m breaking down so I can build back up. The thing is life doesn’t suck. I’ve limited and depleted myself so much that I am unable to enjoy all the beauty around me. I’ve buried my “life is good” in retraceable steps that follow in a simple circle but to unwalk those steps would take years and that’s time I don’t have.
The memory is real. Life is good. There’s just too much junk I’ve been fastidious at building around me to prevent the vision I’m now desperately needing to see. If you miss the taste in your mouth come with me. I need your support. Amen.