I don’t know if 3 months or 100 days sober is a bigger deal so let’s stick with 12 weeks documented today. I remember when I thought 3 weeks was huge and now I’m here. I’m not looking for a round of applause. I just want it known that no matter how trapped you may feel, no matter what the prison, you can get out. If I can do it anybody can.
When I was stuck in my trap months like this would go by and I’d think to myself just imagine time flying by and I’m sober. More time would pass by with me picking up the bottle and lighting cigarettes every night and that notion would fade ever so slightly.
The routine conquered all. It mattered not that I wanted out. Pouring money down the drain couldn’t stop me. Being 280 lbs pissed me off but I wasn’t about to quit on account of it. Lying to virtually everyone around me didn’t really matter, as long as I was inebriated at night.
And then I got free. It was way easier than I thought and equally one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I don’t have cravings but once in a while I think about giving in. I briefly consider what it would feel like to have a few drinks and light up. I think how it easy it all would be. And then I say no.
I know I’ll never go back. How am I so certain? The same way I always knew I’d quit but didn’t. The same way I look at myself in the mirror now and like what I see. It just simply is what it is. It was a giant chapter of my life and now I’m onto the next.
The time is coming to give back. I want to inspire others caught in the same kind of web, unable to walk away. I want to spread hope to those believing there’s no way out or that death can only free them. I used to think that way once in a while and it brought me to very dark places.
If you feel stranded on the island of addiction and have no one to talk to please reach out to me, I’d love to hear from you. I am just like you. I still am alone in many ways but at least I’m doing it sober and you can too.