May The Course Be With Me.

I should get the three words “stay the course” tattooed on my flesh because it’s branded solid in my mind. With all of lifes ups and downs I find myself failing to follow through on certain projects. Some, like parenting, I’m in it ’til the day I die. I can’t screw that one up. And at the moment, I need to stay the course with something that enables me to keep being there for my kids: my health.

Above is me at what I’d consider the best shape of my life and where I’m heading towards again. A nice 220, 225 lbs in 2016. By 2020 I had ballooned to 280 and change, pictured below. How I walked around like that I’ll never know. All bloated and flush and unattractive and unhealthy.. what was I thinking? I was a walking, talking lard butt and there was no hiding it.

I dropped 10 lbs shortly into 2021 and then again hovered and tipped the scales daily. I would try to eat clean and at a calorie deficit and I did good for two or so days then we would get pizza and I’d binge. The numbers didn’t change on the scale so I’d think what’s the point and go completely off course. Then the next Monday would creep up and the cycle would repeat.

The coinciding of surgery and quitting alcohol this past May became my ticket to fast track fat loss to the tune of 20 lbs. I looked better, felt better and even received some compliments but I’m only halfway to where I want to be. This is me at the moment, needing desperately to stay the course.

I’m 6 days into eating clean and at a decent calorie deficit. 1 more pound down and one more notch tighter on my belt. There will be room for cheats ‘n treats, just as long as it fits into my calorie count. Compared to the extreme starvation diet when I was in the hospital, this is monotonous and slow going. But it is the best way and it requires me to stay the course.

I can’t be screwing up and going off track just because the scale hasn’t reminded me that I’ve lightened the load. This will take time and as more and more melts off of me my motivation will increase that much greater. At the finish line awaits confidence and joy the likes I’ve never seen, or many moons ago at least.

By Hearts Erased

A blogger for 6 years, I now have my poetry collection being published.

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