“This Unsettling Deviation”

Moments fade and you’re not here.
In my quiet there is much noise.
You haven’t been around to silence it.
You’re in a better place, I understand that.
But without your camaraderie, I lack.
Though composed, I writhe unfailingly.
Nothing is as it should be.
Everything out of place.
Your presence brought solace in the undermining of my circumstance.
And without you here, tomorrow never comes.

So I pander to the unknown.
That is to say this unsettling deviation from what I’ve grown to love isn’t good.
You’re not here and what’s worse is you’re not even there.
Your love was this embryonic concept.
Gestating and beautiful.
And to be thrust into this aborted state
Undoes the confines of my scripted predicament.
But between this and never knowing you, I’ll take this.

It’s been us versus the world and that won’t ever change.
Even in this temporary gap I don’t doubt a single thing.
To be loved by you fuses me.
I truly am repairable.
But when all your goodness is off the grid, our parallel goes sideways.
The warmth of the light that you cast is deflected and I stand here alone.
Hoping. Waiting. Breathing.
Unable to advance amidst this undertow.

I can taste your femininity.
In your absence I found deeper love.
There are things to be said and there is so much to show you.
So come to me now.
Reprieve the unbearable.
Obliterate the obstacle and reinstate sanctuary.
For our aorta magnets are still intact.
We fall back into alignment and chase away the ghosts that bind us.
Nothing else shall blind us again.


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