I fully get that writing about something over and over can be ridiculously annoying but when you have good to share it shouldn’t be denied. I think the fact that I’m struggling inside over this is just another example of being so used to being held down and with only darkness to speak of. With positivity overflowing, nothing should hold a person back.

Today I had my first follow up with the doc overseeing my sleep apnea and high blood pressure since March. At that point I was 280 lbs with high bp, taking 3 daily meds, extreme sleep apnea, high cholesterol and was a daily drinker. As of this day I am 235 lbs, down to 1 pill a day, my bp is normal, cholesterol is normal and I’ve been sober for nearly 8 months.

When she walked in the door she was taken aback and said “wow, you look so good, you just made my day!” This was somebody rooting for me and telling me to get it together for years.. and I actually succeeded. I took my docs advice and here I am near, dare I say, the best shape of my life. Not quite but almost.

The thing about all this is that I knew I was capable. I’ve been strong in the past and have achieved success when I sought out to. But after condemning myself to a world of shame and the downright opposite of health, I became weak. Trapped. Unable to achieve. Unable to succeed.

When adversity hits I would bounce back. I’d get up again, just like I do now. But I now have the wisdom to understand that when a person is down, it becomes their way of living and for change to take place is extremely difficult.

I can see this style of thinking as a quick downfall into substance abuse, mental illness, homelessness and even death. Thank God I got a foot hold when I did but I know there are many, many others out there that continue to dwell in these depths. And what am I doing to help them? Not a thing.

I shan’t be complacent. I will not procrastinate. I can summon all the strength in the world and help myself but if I don’t start to give back I’ll be haunted forever. I have officially gotten my health and my life in order, and I should never just be content with just that.