Tomorrow will mark 1 year alcohol free for this guy and I pen this unfortunately in the emergency room with my daughter Lindsey. Truly life in its rawest and most common embodiment: in times of celebration, there is trauma and grief.
Part of me can’t believe that I made it to this moment. Equally, nothing could have been easier. Not drinking really doesn’t require any work or effort, maybe similar to breathing. I don’t kill people, I don’t commit armed robbery and I don’t drink or do drugs. Simple choices, am I wrong?
There have been a few instances where the notion of waltzing into the liquor store did cross my mind. In moments of sadness or stress but this happened maybe 3 or 4 times throughout the year, not exactly every hour of every day.
But what absolute joy it is for me to realize I made it this far and things shall remain this way forever. I can say that with certainty that there is no looking back; I am a fully rehabilitated sonofagun. Remaining sober and clear is as important to me as parenting or taking care of myself.
It is something I wear like a badge of honor as I alone know the depths I climbed out of to be here to state this.
Being in an out of control position like I was in was a terrifying reality. I held things together quite well, considering. And by out of control I mean not being able to walk away. The habit was so ingrained and programmed into my DNA that it seemed impossible to divert. It was a daily emotional beating…”I’m not going to drink tonight” answered hours later with “Yes Kris, yes you are”.
Luckily for me, I planned my escape perfectly, or hoped for the best anyway. The hell that was Sleep Apnea Corrective surgery allowed me, through deafening levels of suffering, to get sober. I couldn’t think straight for nearly three agonizing weeks so by the time that ran its course I was fully on the wagon. When the pain was gone, so was any desire to drink.
So I’ll raise my glass of Pepsi to arriving at day 365. For anyone reading that struggles with addiction, there is hope! Please feel free to message me if you even just need someone to listen. If I could do it, so can you. Cheers!
(Before, after and now!)