Waves crash overhead
Lightning pulses in the sky
Way up high and down below
An electric burial, pummeled without end.

There is no disconnect, only discontent
A mother’s instinct isn’t to put her baby up for adoption
They cry out for one another, no matter the distance
The porch light stays on forever.

I’m the lucky one
You gave me the real you
The one nobody else sees
The one no one else understands.

All the true and deepest parts of you
The places you hide from everyone else
You let me interact with the you down inside
And what a gift it was to know you.

We play make believe as children
Hide and go seek was a thrill and a choice
Hiding doesn’t make anything go away
As a grown adult you have got to stop pretending.

You’ve been hiding for far too long
Shoving feelings deep down inside
Repressing all of your sadness while you die
Today is the day that you finally face the mess that is your life. STAND UP.

I am misery
Disposable and without worth
Stripped of all hope
Unable to smile
Caught in a trap
Haunted
Expelled from anything warm
Dying and alone.

This morning I got myself up an hour early in order to accommodate the baking needs of my daughters for their class potluck lunch. There’s really not a lot to be said nor were there a lot of ingredients used but isn’t this what a daddy does? To go the extra five miles and help his children out? Certainly all daddies are like this. I know I am.

The idea was to bring non-junk and non-warmed up items. Lindsey wanted to do a cheese and crackers platter, and Lexis’s choice was bannock. I wanted the bannock to be fresh as it’s the only way to eat it, hence getting up at the crack of dawn or slightly thereafter. Bannock only contains five ingredients but it definitely takes time to pull off the entire process. I was a floury, oily mess but it all turned out well.

And what is there to be said about serving up cheese and crackers? It’s just a step above pouring cereal into a bowl. I arranged them just so and feared the formation would explode on the ride to school. I’m pleased to announce it didn’t. All in all, it was a success and the feeding was apparently pretty delightful. It felt good to be there for my girls when they needed me. That never goes away.

Distance makes our hearts grow fonder
Silence only makes our love grow louder
The triumph of our devotion is made stronger
We cannot muffle the deafening cry of our love any longer.

Your “setting free” backfired
There is only deeper commitment
The embers of our love burn bright
Look into my eyes again and tell me that you love me.

I needed you today.

Something really bad happened
And I needed my best friend.

‘Cause we talk about everything
It’s simply what we always do.

I needed you today.

I am a wreck.

But you weren’t there.

Descending
Into an epiphany of nothingness
Disposable waste
I am pierced from within
The guts of my ancestors begging me back
Rotting heart, diced so nice
Filleted and on display for none
Falling fast, where nobody can hear me screaming.

Dissolve the toxins from your life
Remove that aging, insufferable cyst
Purge the cancer that eats at your marrow
Drive a stake hard into the vampire that sucks away at your soul.

Flush out the poison that has backed up your system
Gnaw off your foot in the trap that has bound you
Behead the snake that is coiled around you
Fly out the cage that has tried so hard to contain you.

As a woman, you are empowered
As a woman, you will not be oppresssd
As a woman, you will stand up
As a woman, you are fury and power.

You can and you will
You must, baby.

When you instigated that kiss, it meant the world to me
Like melting ice cream on the hottest summer day
Your mouth embraces mine and opens the gates of heaven
There is divinity most high in our passion.

I lack nothing when your lips are against mine
Every sweetness you have ever uttered to me is felt in our kiss
All the longing from the depths of who you are comes to the surface
And the entity of us only grows stronger.

No matter your level of dysfunctional thinking
I know you are in prime honesty with me
And literally nobody else
You keep your cards close, tight fisted
Misguided but pure
You’re a paradox of heartbreak
If only you’d focus on what’s truly right
Cut the fat and embrace what lifts you high.

“It’s easy to tell yourself it’s not that bad, and it’s really easy to look at your children while you are all sitting around the dinner table and tell yourself you will stay together to save them.

I’m speaking from experience here:
Staying in a marriage where there is no love is not saving your children. Not even a little bit. Yes, we know it’s going to disrupt and hurt our children if we split. And doing anything to disrupt and hurt them feels unnatural. So, we cling. We stay. We fight the good fight with their feelings and hearts at the forefront of our minds.

We cannot ignore a very important point here: When parents force themselves to stay together when aren’t happy, this is what damages the kids most of all. My husband and I started having problems when our youngest was four years old, and guess what? She knew.

Once I realized my marriage was not about my children, but about the partnership between me and my ex-husband, I was able to get really clear about why we should divorce so I could let my guilt go. We made vows to each other before our kids were born that we weren’t able to honor. Almost every one was broken.

We were in love once, made a beautiful family, but that love went away. We tried, but we weren’t able to get it back. We both deserve to find it again, and our kids need to see both of us loved in the right way. We knew it wasn’t going to be with each other, and trying to fake it for their sake was destroying us. It could have destroyed them, too.

Because we split, they see us getting along. They see us both feeling more at peace and living our best lives. They see us communicating better. They see us putting ourselves first which is setting a good example for them. There’s an impact on the kids when their parents divorce, for sure. I’m not arguing that. How can there not be? But what I’m saying is, if we stayed together for them and they found out our miserableness was for their sake, I truly believe that would cause a lot more harm than our divorce ever did.

It takes time, but the kids adjust to their new life; they adjust to seeing their parents happier for not being together. But they never adjust to watching the two adults in their house walk around unhappy every day.

Staying together for your kids is a bullshit reason to stay married. Stay together for you, separate for you, divorce for you, but not for anyone else. If you aren’t taking a stand for yourself and your happiness, no one else will, regardless of what you sacrifice for them.”