Tag: christian

Love Will Be The Death.

July 20th, 2018

A man’s desire for a woman, or counterpart, and vice versa, will never go away. No matter how many heartbreaks and when reality settles in, those genuine moments of “never again, I’m better off alone” kick in. And I do believe that to some extent.

With a girlfriend or a wife, there is less time for focus and writing for example though who am I kidding here, I’ve been the only one interfering with my own creativity the past x amount of years. A good wife or girlfriend would support that creative side of me and allow that time apart, even if apart means her head in my lap reading a book as I’m writing something.

I say all this because I honestly wish that desire wasn’t so strong in me, the need or urgency for a partner in crime. I wish I didn’t miss it so much when I don’t have it. I wish I wasn’t yearning for it right now. Chances are I can put work in to making it less of a thing. Could be an option and maybe it just might work.

Or maybe it’s such an innately built-in part of who we are as humans, based on biblical truths stating that it is not good for a man to be alone and a helper will be made that is suitable for him. This is where the notion that there is someone out there for us all stems, if you believe that. Possibly it’s been so ingrained in my psyche that this is now my current struggle of unlearning this. Not to say I want to go against scripture but I hope you see what I’m saying. I just wanna shut this void off, sealed shut for good.

I can heal, I can endure pain cuz after all it makes me stronger, right? At this point in my game, the Hulk has nothing on me. I’m as strong as they come and I truly have no desire to become stronger, via psychological heartbreak through loss. No thanks and frankly, screw you for making me as strong as I am. Yes, you. Sorry.. not you… YOU.

I don’t believe we are born and there is someone created for us, as though the perfect match, just like I don’t believe we pray for a job, God gives us a job. Only we live our lives so we do the work and we take the steps and we find a person who seems suitable and we go from there. I’m not dissing God in the least, just reiterating that he’s always helping and guiding us, but we live our lives and make things happen. Maybe I’m just reminding myself.

Another girl is around the corner just as there was another sunset tonight. Tomorrow, I will eat food to stay alive and you will too. Life goes on, people. I will be happy again with a counterpart and if she too gives up on me, then I will again yell to the heavens and wish to relinquish this desire for love but only to continue to bear it, eternally. Its just the way it goes.
Selfishlessness.

June 11th, 2017

The self wants what the self wants.

We are truly selfish creations. It’s every man for himself at the end of the day. Varying degrees of course, say for example if you are a parent then you’ve learnt to put someone else first (or most of us parents have any way). Still a selfish individual at heart but you’ve shown yourself (and the world in which you live) that you are capable of putting that torch down, even if only for a few short moments.

We get hungry. We get tired. We get cold. We can be lonely. We can be needy. We get sick. We lose important people in our lives. We feel cheated. We get jealous. We get down and sometimes find it hard to get back up. The struggle is real and the struggle is practically hourly. The struggle is across the board and the struggle is internal, and never easy.

Depressed yet?! This is only a small list of our daily dilemmas but you get the idear.

We also can be givers and lovers and happy etcetera but ultimately, we serve ourselves. We fight against it though. As a Christian man, we learn about putting others first and giving up oneself for a higher cause and I’m all for it. It’s a discipline I believe I have ingrained in my psyche, no matter how selfish I truly am inside. It’s work and an ongoing work in progress, as it should be. But no matter how trained or untrained I am, I still find myself putting numero uno first.

It isn’t right. It isn’t healthy nor good. A lot of opportunities in life get missed. A lot of relationships may sour because of it. Your job may suffer. Your children. Your spouse. Your relationship with your higher power.

We are at war with it and the deck is stacked. The self wants what the self wants.
The Title is Entitled

November 29th, 2015

How monumentally have you screwed up in your life? Were there ever such a chain of events that seemed to feed itself and the more it ate, the bigger it got? How did you cut off its proverbial head and how did you dig yourself out of the hole you were in? Did you do it alone?

While saying very little, I have a lot to say. The past week and a bit have been a harsh wake up to my wife and I. During a series of events, we find ourselves at low points and clawing and climbing our way out.

It’s messy. It’s stressful. Yet we know we’re moving in the right direction and are therefore blessed as we move forward.

It’s as though we’re back at square one, and the life lessons keep a-comin’. It’s been a rough run, and now throw in the mix the fact that my vehicle is currently parked and hers has major issues. Let the good times bowl.

In the midst of all this, I feel entitled to good things and I will explain why. First off, it’s wrong of me to…I fully get that. But the process, to me anyway, makes sense. (Those of you who don’t see things through Christian eyes, take a glimpse for a moment at the thought process).

I’ve made a bunch of bad life decisions as of late, harmful to not only me but those around me. I have done a complete 180 from the destructive path I was on and am now making smart choices. Moral choices. Christian choices. Not “Ugh, what is wrong with me” choices.

Do I deserve a medal, a seat at The Royal Families dinner table and a cheque for $25 million bucks? I wish. Do I, in actuality, deserve anything from anyone or from God Himself? Absolutely not.

So why do I feel a sense of entitlement in regards to my wakening? Who am I to be rewarded?

I think of the story of the Prodigal Son. It tells of a son whom takes his inheritance given by his father and goes to live in a distant land. He squanders everything and lives in debauchery, ultimately leading himself to life on the streets, out of his head and not a penny to his name. He returns home and his father not only welcomes him with open arms but he gives his son every good thing that he deserveth not. His father knew he would come close to death but now celebrates his return with many blessings.

Again, I deserve nothing. I demand nothing. I’m grateful that my heavenly Father doesn’t hate me, but His grace covers me then and now, and all is forgiven. My entitlement is wrong in feeling that we chose correctly now, so there should be reward. This is reward and multiple blessings, but I should not expect a thing. I’m rich enough as is.
Make a Move, Guy

November 25th, 2014

Is there a time and place where compromising ones values is not only okay but is also not really considered a compromise and instead is more so just the wisest move to make?

Hi. My name’s Kris and I have a dilemma which needs resolve like yesterday.

Let me give it up straight: I am a Christian, as is my girlfriend Krista. Our belief is to be married first before living together. Thing is…even though we both intend on marrying one another, we don’t want it happening overnight. And the dilemma before us is that due to my work, I need to move from where I currently reside for it to make any sense, and to stop throwing away money into the gas tank.

I can continue to reside with my mother, along with my three children, and do the hour commute daily. What I’m currently doing is staying with Krista four nights a week and three at “home”, which, is “part-time living together” so pretty much the same as if it were full-time.

Third option requires the most effort but the both of us our more than “game”, and that is to pull the kids from their school, put them in a new one mid-year in February and live as a family, all the while fully intending on marrying in the spring or summer, exempting us from the “living in sin” title, if that were even possible. Still with me?

So there it is. The intentions are pure but with the brain on. Does a man continue to drive two hours a day (on top of a driving job) and burn $700 a month on gas just to avoid the sin-living title?

My son of 15 years is vehemently against the notion of us shacking up pre-marriage, and I gotta say that inspires me in my Christian walk. But making the executive decision as all parents should, bottom line is we know what is right and will make it so. Soon, just not today.

Messy. I am discrediting myself by doing the move? I’m definitely putting stress on my children with the mid-year school switcheroo. But see, the alternative makes no sense whatsoever.

In our soon approaching future, as a family, we will face two more big moves, if not more. All of us can adapt. Change propels us. None of it’s easy and I don’t want it that way anyway. I just want to do what’s right, and equally do what’s smart.

Ugh. I hoped through “talking this out” I would have a sense of peace of what direction to go. I wanted clarification. I needed our rudder locked in place. Hand-forcing is not my style so we wait, wishy washy. Ugh!
Untitled

November 12th, 2014

Am I who I am, or do I just let you see what I want to be seen? And what about you.. how do you represent yourself?

I am a father. I’ve dedicated myself and my life to my three children since day one for over fifteen years now. It’s a side of me not everyone sees but it’s a side I like everyone to know exists. But is that who I am?

I am a lover. I was briefly what one might consider a “man whore” of sorts. I craved the attention of women and basked in it. Ultimately it made me feel empty but I still lived that chapter. Is that who I am?

I am a manager. Tho a work in progress, the bottom line is I am in charge of directing and managing a handful of humans at my day job. I lead, or do my best in this endeavour, and am part of the functioning company as a whole. But is this who I am?

I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ and I raise my children in these same beliefs. I once lived apart from these ways but found life empty, so I came back to what was instilled in me as a child. It is a strong part of the moral fibre of me, day in day out. But is this who I am?

I am a writer. All of me screams to create. This is what gives me the most pleasure and what contains the most passion for me in this world. No matter how drained I may feel at the end of a day… give me pen and paper and I’ll be refreshed and recharged. And friggin happy. Is this who I am?

I am an idiot. I’m quite certain I have made more wrong choices than I have made right. Probably not, but it feels like it over all. I learn but will most definitely still screw up a bunch. Maybe I should apologize to myself and to the world in advance. Probably won’t. Is this who I am?

One would quickly deduce that I am all of these things combined. And I wouldn’t completely disagree. On top of that sordid list, I am many more things, just like you are. But deep down, I can only be one because I am just one, just like you.

So do I pick my favorite from the list? Is that how I discover who I really am? Or is it yet to be revealed?

Once you discover who you really are is when you can truly shape your own future and it’s when you can let go of so much other junk hanging around your neck.

So? Who are you?

Tag: christian

Love Will Be The Death.

Selfishlessness.

The Title is Entitled

Make a Move, Guy

Untitled