I’ve never been a stressy man. Never felt like the sky was falling. Never thought the bottom of my world was dropping out. And so when I do actually feel a degree of stress, it hits me hard and doesn’t let go.
I’ve never been a ‘between a rock and a hard place’ kinda man. There’s always options and there’s certainly, if nothing else, hope. So when I find myself in a rough spot, the pinch is painful and the morale is low. And being the island that I often am, seeking verification on what to do next becomes impossible and the walls move in closer and faster than before.
I’ve never been the guy to tuck tail and run. Sure, I quite often oppose or downright fear change but if change is what is required in order for me to stand my ground and not be backed into a corner than that is what has to happen. But see, running is abandoning and I don’t abandon; I change gears. I weigh options and DO.
With all that being said, without saying an awful lot, which is like a mathematician unfolding a huge equation for you to decipher without using any numbers, I am indeed stressed out and in a tight spot while feeling as though I am backed into a corner.
I’ve been living someone else’s life this week in someone else’s body in someone else’s city and I want my life back but it’s more complex than that. It’s not that simple. I can’t just re-inhabit my old self. That old guy was going down a wrong path and headed to an early grave. To do this successfully, I need an upgrade and not just physically. He needs to be better rested. Clearer. He must be inspired and he must provide better than before and manage said provision better than before.
This upgraded version must love his wife harder and more; he must listen and he must understand. This 2.0 version also needs to focus on priorities moreso. Overall, it’s one gigantic overhaul. So like I told you… it isn’t a simple task. Its trickiness is only preceeded by its demand for ‘now’. Yes. This won’t be easy but necessary.
And so, without more than a handful of hours of good, deep sleep over the past seventy two hours, I approach that crossroad. Hesistantly but not backing down. And that, my friends, is what must be done.