A man’s desire for a woman, or counterpart, and vice versa, will never go away. No matter how many heartbreaks and when reality settles in, those genuine moments of “never again, I’m better off alone” kick in. And I do believe that to some extent.
With a girlfriend or a wife, there is less time for focus and writing for example though who am I kidding here, I’ve been the only one interfering with my own creativity the past x amount of years. A good wife or girlfriend would support that creative side of me and allow that time apart, even if apart means her head in my lap reading a book as I’m writing something.
I say all this because I honestly wish that desire wasn’t so strong in me, the need or urgency for a partner in crime. I wish I didn’t miss it so much when I don’t have it. I wish I wasn’t yearning for it right now. Chances are I can put work in to making it less of a thing. Could be an option and maybe it just might work.
Or maybe it’s such an innately built-in part of who we are as humans, based on biblical truths stating that it is not good for a man to be alone and a helper will be made that is suitable for him. This is where the notion that there is someone out there for us all stems, if you believe that. Possibly it’s been so ingrained in my psyche that this is now my current struggle of unlearning this. Not to say I want to go against scripture but I hope you see what I’m saying. I just wanna shut this void off, sealed shut for good.
I can heal, I can endure pain cuz after all it makes me stronger, right? At this point in my game, the Hulk has nothing on me. I’m as strong as they come and I truly have no desire to become stronger, via psychological heartbreak through loss. No thanks and frankly, screw you for making me as strong as I am. Yes, you. Sorry.. not you… YOU.
I don’t believe we are born and there is someone created for us, as though the perfect match, just like I don’t believe we pray for a job, God gives us a job. Only we live our lives so we do the work and we take the steps and we find a person who seems suitable and we go from there. I’m not dissing God in the least, just reiterating that he’s always helping and guiding us, but we live our lives and make things happen. Maybe I’m just reminding myself.
Another girl is around the corner just as there was another sunset tonight. Tomorrow, I will eat food to stay alive and you will too. Life goes on, people. I will be happy again with a counterpart and if she too gives up on me, then I will again yell to the heavens and wish to relinquish this desire for love but only to continue to bear it, eternally. Its just the way it goes.